Wednesday, May 31, 2006

11:29 PM

What an eventful day!

But since I'm soooooo tried and exhausted, I'll add more details tomorrow. Yayness. I'm quite happy. o_o

And I think I'm starting to umm.... like someone and... (no, its not Darin)

Benjamin is a grope-r.

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

Sunday, May 28, 2006

12:05 PM

I've been very sinful for the past weeks.

1) I lied.
2) I made my mother cried, twice in a row.
3) I had a R-rated dream/nightmare.
4) I skipped class.
5) I felt sucidal.

Do you believe in good and evil?

Do you think environment or genes have anything to do with your character?

Were we born evil and sinful?

Or is all this simply, free will?

...Choices we make and decide?

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

Friday, May 26, 2006

5:48 PM

TAYLOR HICKS WON AMERICAN IDOL!

Yay.

Man, I think I have an uncanny knack for spotting soon-to-be-superstars. After all, I was rooting for him since Day 1. XDD

And...

Clay Aiken looks great with his new hairstyle. Very hot. This is one geek who looks really good.



*drools*

Okay, I'm going jogging now.

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

3:10 PM

What's with my title? Its a mix of "XD" and ":("

XD- why?

I got my uber-sexy boots. =DD

Sexy.

Sexy.

Boots.

Only one problem: a girl with short and chunky legs is gonna wear them. -_-

:(- why?

My friend is unable to meet Darin on his birthday cause he moved. T_T I'm sooooooooooooooooo unhappy and upset over this. Darin is just as sexy as my uber-sexy boot if not more.

Heh.

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

Friday, May 19, 2006

9:13 PM

I'm inspired to excercise.

And yes, to study as well.

Mainly because I've finally smelled the sweetness of city air.

I've been feeling so caged and unhappy all week! Hence the tension between my mother, ugly scowls in the morning and fake smiles to my classmates.

Argh. Thanks Orchard Road! o_o

And Wanda!! Such great company. XDD

My God, I finally found boots that aren't slutty or odd-looking. And they're $45 (after 50% discount)!! I can't believe I didn't bring my money. I HAVE TO FRICKIN' GET IT!! I MUST! I'm just so in love with boots. *_*
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Oh yeah.

I had a dream about Darin. It was weird... cause we weren't in love or anything... just very good friends. He had to migrate so he gave me his jacket. The jacket felt so REAL! But I just have to wake up... TT

Lol.

This was my third dream about him. I dreamt about him tutoring Math in the first and in the second, he was scolding me. I remember waking up, feeling sad all day. o_o;;

Cheers, people.

And I was right, I passed only one exam.

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

Thursday, May 18, 2006

7:01 PM

I can feel it in my bones.
I can feel it emerging.
The Beast.
The Beast that will soon engulf me.
And destroy my foes in its wake.

It was expected.
My results was expected.
I failed. o_o

So far, I passed only English. Which is good... in a way, considering that I failed that subject in term 1. Oh my god, I am so screwed. I was so relaxed for my mid-years. I couldn't be bothered... I don't know why.

Even my mother said that I'm not even doing last minute revision.

I don't even want to excercise anymore. I just want to eat. Eat! EAT!

WANDA!

I know how you feel.

I just want to take photographs, I just want to sleep, I just want to go shopping. I just want to hang out. Do something wild, let down my hair or something (not that I have much hair).

But...

I'm such a hypocrite.

A wise saying of Prophet Muhammand (s.a.w)- A hypocrite has three distinguishing signs: when he talks he lies, when he promises he breaks it and when he is entrusted with something, he betrays such trust.

I fall under the second category.

I'm a liar!

I promised so many I would do my best. I'm not. Heck, I'm not even trying!

Another wise saying by the Prophet: The ink of the scholar is more holy than the blood of the martyr.

Okay, I need everyone's help. Someone must put pressure on me. Pressurise me! TT

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

7:22 PM

My spelling sucks.

At least when I was in primary school. I was doing some cleaning and came across two spelling books, one when I was in primary 5 (11) and primary 6 (12). Let me give you some examples... correct words are in bold. *stares at list* Damn, I can't spell. o_o

Primary 5

especially - especilly
tremendous- tremandous
disease- deseaise
lives- lifes
jealous- jeaulous
description- descipesians
odour- oder
occasionally- occasurnally
excitedly- exitectly
mischievous- miscivous
settling- setterling

Primary 6

humourous- humarous
fascinating- fascenating
eyebrows- eyebrowns (wth??)
chloroplyll- chrollfill (I still have trouble spelling this. Fortunately, I don't take bio. XD)
predator- predeater
dehydrate- dhydrate

Well... this are just some of them... Its amazing how much I've improved. Although yes, I still make stupid mistakes. -_-;

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

10:49 AM

Woot! Exams are over although I'm pretty sure I've flunked every one of them. Oh what the heck, its over and done but I'm making sure I won't say this statement when it comes to O Levels.

Anyway, I had a fantastic Mother's Day.

Allow me to share with you that fabulous day or should I say, night.

We had dinner at Swensen's (Parkway). The waiter who was taking our order was cute. Malay. Cute but not handsome. So anyway, I told my mother he was cute but she said, no. The other waiter is cuter. I turned and saw this tall, bespectacled guy. I wasn't really paying attention to fine details so I disagreed.

Our dinner was great.

I had a cesear salad, worth drooling over. Cream of chicken which i didn't finish. So anyway, I was checking out the families on both sides of my table. On my left, was a eurasian family. The girl had nice, sharp features... but she had a sulky, long face. Made her look bad.

The family on my right... it's a Muslim family and one of the daughters was amazingly beautiful! Soft, chiselled features paired with fair skin and complimented by dark eyes. She was wearing a scarf so imagine how beautiful she would be at home. She was, say... no more than 11 years old. Maybe 10. Already beautiful.

I was looking at the Eurasian girl (She has nice brown hair) when the waiter, the bespectabled one walked past and smiled at me. Oh my god. His smile was really, really sweet! Its a smile to die for! *_*

I was pretty shocked and didn't smile back. Gaaah. I hate myself for that. What a waste. I can be pretty charming when I want. XDD

So anyway, I wanted my ice cream so I called one of the waiter and it has to be that bespectacled one. Because he was so tall and I was so short, plus I was sitting so he bent over soooooooo frickin close. Thank God, I kept my cool and didn't stutter.
-_-;

Ice cream was... heaven! Merri-mint. Thin mint with cream and a cherry on top... and nice chocolate sauce all over it. *sighs blissfully* I shared it with my parents so it was over in a matter of minutes. Haha.

Then that guy came AGAIN!!!

He asked if he could take the goblet away. I said "................ok.........." and held it up to him. He hesistated so I thought he was gonna take a tray or something so I put it back down. But he reached for it and I brought it back up again. -_-"

Gah.

Pathetic.

Anyway, all in all. I enjoyed myself tremendously. Haha. =DD

I wanna see the guy again. o_o

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

Saturday, May 13, 2006

12:37 PM

Kari had no idea who was in charge of her life anymore.

Strange girl. Odd. Anorexic. That’s what they called her. Kari wasn’t a very pretty girl. She was pale, with equally pale lips and her long brown hair ran past her shoulders in untidy waves. The only nice feature was her dark eyes, expressive and framed with long, thick eyelashes. She often wondered if she would die beautiful… a girl adorned in a white dress, lying in a pool of blood.

Such thoughts are no stranger to her. It all began when her mother got interested in a new man two years back. She certainly got over her late husband really quickly. Kari wasn’t excited at the prospect of having to call a stranger, “Father.” And when he was officially part of the family, Kari addressed him as “Mr. Chua.” or “Sir” if she was in a pleasant mood. Kari knew her mother had given up on her daughter. Her stepfather never seemed to be bothered about her either. There existed a mutual understanding between them that none wanted to have anything to do with the other.

She saw a couple of family having some quality time with one another. Sighing wistfully, she knew those children took their parents for granted. If only they could see her life, an uncaring mother, an unfamiliar stepfather and a dead father who left way too early.

Usually, teenagers in such a position would have a wide circle of friends but not Kari who wasn’t the very sociable sort. Her only friends were James and Alice. Alice migrated to Australia a month ago so James was left. But James wasn’t even in the same school as she was. In public, he was her protector and guardian but in school, she was all alone. Alone and vulnerable against the wave of merciless taunts she faced.

But, that one joy was snatched from her.

James has a girlfriend and was enjoying his social life. Yes, he still called her whenever he had some time which was rare. Kari knew she was being selfish. She had no right to cling on to James. In fact, she had the feeling he wanted to escape from her. Who wouldn’t? She was dreary, negative and silent.

Kari stood up and faced the railing. She looked at her watch. Five minutes to twelve.

Her mother and stepfather are working. Her classmates and teachers probably don’t realize she was missing. James was somewhere with his girl. No one knew where she was… which was good. That means no distractions.

It was near noon but Kari was protected from the glares of the afternoon sun through a whole lot of sunscreen. Kari stared at her pale arms. Everyone thought she applied sunscreen to keep herself pale but it had a dual purpose. It was like her second skin… it not only shielded her from the sun but also from the cruel reality of life.

Four minutes…

Alice… Why did you have to leave? I miss your jokes, the way you handled difficult situations, the way you motivated me to stand up for myself. To be confident and to love myself, to love Kari. I know it seemed like your method wasn’t working but it is… at least, until you left… Alice, you are the epitome of beauty, in every sense of the word. But it’s over… over for me.

Three minutes…

Dad… you left me far too early. You probably think I don’t know this but I do. I know you and Mum weren’t in the happiest of marriages and I respect that you’ve tried to hide all that bitterness under smiles and lots of love. But I wish you would tell me, even though I was just 13. Mum is happy though, a new man popped out of nowhere a month after your death. That man might be my stepfather but he won’t ever be you.

Two minutes…

James…. You’ve been such a good friend to me. Like Alice, you tell the greatest jokes and made me believe in myself but unlike her, you are my guardian and protector. You shielded me from those people! No words could express my eternal gratitude. You have another girl to protect now. But… I don’t know my heart… Do I see you as a friend or something more?

One minute…

Kari, I’ve let you down. I’m sorry for not loving you the way you are. I kept comparing you with others. Their curvaceous bodies, their intelligent minds, their sharp wit. Their families, the amount of wealth they hold… to put it simply: everything. I love you but I’m selfish and ungrateful… I want more. Therefore I shall end this madness.

Kari blinked and rubbed the tears from her eyes. There was no meaning in her life, nothing worth living for. She swung a leg over the railing and pulled herself up. She stared out at the open and smiled. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing and the birds were singing.

It was a beautiful day to die.

“Good bye.”
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This is just a meaningless short story. It needs more polishing. My words aren't eloquent enough. I was in a writing mood, one I haven't felt in years. Who knows... maybe my passion for writing burns brightly once again. =DD Comment and critcise all you want.

Hmm, however Wanda and I are gonna do a photo based on this story... Look out for that. =DD

Peace out, people.

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

Friday, May 12, 2006

6:44 PM

I hate my parents.

Who are they to decide what my passions are.

When I say, I want to learn horse riding. It means I want to. And I will. Just to prove it to you, I'm willing to spend $600, forked out of my own pocket, to learn this "useless" sport. That means no new clothes, no make up, no camera for me. What more prove do you need? How about the toy horses I displayed in my room? The various horse pictures in my computer. It over rides that of Darin. o_o

Seriously.

I just want to be close to horses. Simply "riding" them for one round with a handler isn't enough. Horse riding is no ordinary sport. When you ride, you must be in one with the animal. You're working with another mind, its not easy.

I know its not cheap and I know we're not rich.

That's why I'm not pestering you to give me the money. I'll sarcifice my other wordly possessions so I can learn. I just want you to understand instead of acting all practical and calling it a waste of time and money.

God dammit, I'm your DAUGHTER!
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Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Priscilla!!! XDDD

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

Thursday, May 11, 2006

10:15 PM

Ohmygod.

Today was an unexceptionally warm day!

Ohmygod.

I had heat rash and my eczema acted up. Aaaaaargh.

Anyway, went Bugis to get Priscilla's birthday present with Benjamin. I had no money so I was a little stingy. Got Benjamin to buy the more expensive one.... but its like only 3 dollars more expensive.

We got her a nice plushie and a cup. All featuring Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. The cashier gave us a huge plastic bag and so, an idea sprang into my head. I got home and stuffed lots of newspapers, crunched waste papers so it looks like the present is really big. =DD

I threw in a small birthday note amongst the mess.

Evil me. XD

Whee.

I love birthdays... when I have a present to give.

_Pull the knife from my back' ;

11:54 AM

I'm bored.

Exams was a killer! Math paper 1 had to be the hardest paper I've ever attempted. Even the questions on my 'O' Levels TYS were far easier. And the fact that I've forgotten to bring my calculator for my paper 2 ain't helping... TT I'm so prepared to fail my mid years. Chemistry... TT. PoA... TT. <---- This paper sucks. I didn't know the smurfin' format for 3/4 of the paper.

FAILURE!

I'M A FAILURE!!!!!

Aaaaaaargh. Someone stress me up. >_<;;;

And I know all of you must be tired of hearing me say this.... I WISH I DIDN'T CUT MY HAIR!!!!! IT WOULD/COULD HAVE BEEN PAST MY CHEST BY NOW!!!! *breathes* Okay, I'll stop wining. =D

Humph.

Things to do:

- Post the cheque to SHAPE run.
- Send Sarah's package. (I'm soooooooo sorry. TT)
- Buy Priscilla's present.
- Study. (intensive revision will begin two days after mid-years)
- Excercise. (still want my abs)
- Save money. (Horse riding lessions are $400. yes, i know. im not rich.)
- Kick some ass.
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_Pull the knife from my back' ;

Friday, May 05, 2006

8:30 AM

This is from an email i receieved from my mother.

Audrey Hepburn BEAUTY TIPS.

For attractive lips: Speak words of kindness

For lovely eyes: Seek out the good in others

For a slim figure: Share your food with the hungry

For beautiful hair: Let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day

For poise: Walk with the knowledge that you'll never walk alone

People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed and redemmed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find them at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not from the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman grows with passing years.
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I'm so inspired by this. o_o Not because i want to be more beautiful ( I mean, I do! But I want my soul to be beautiful as well)

_Pull the knife from my back' ;