Rising from the ashes...

Hmm?

2006-12-26T13:20:00.000-08:00

Hey.

A lot has happened but I'm too lazy to blog. Everything goes into my written diary now. Blogging is so... unconvienent. When I have my diary, I can sit in one corner of the locker room and start writing away... pretending there is not a care in the world.

So anyway.

Some uh, notes.
1. Almost got sacked
2. IKEA is not as innocent as it seems, it has a lot of drama
3. I THINK Fazli knows I like him or used to
4. Half the guys are in love with Ruzanna
5. I love Wanda. =)
6. I MISS EVERYONE!!!

Yes, I have written my new year resolutions. I know how everyone says we don't always follow them... they may be right. I don't know but what the heck, here goes:

1) Lose Weight (forever on my mind. lol)
2) Pay back all debts (Christabel will be delighted)
3) Save money (I'll be delighted)
4) Be more active (Capoeira and tennis)
5) Curb emotional eating
6) Be independent
7) Get a new hair colour (I can strike this off by this friday =D)
8) Get a boyfriend (Christabel will go ahem ahem)
9) Be confident yet humble
10) Be a hard worker
11) Love myself (I already do)

So yay... o_o

2006-12-18T01:04:00.000-08:00

Omg.

I'm actually over Fazli.

Apparently he likes my friend, Ruzanna. Sooooo, the tide has turned and I'm going to help him win her heart, if he allows me to.

Actually, if you think about it.

Its kinder on the heart. My heart. I mean, okay... I might be a little upset. Come on, he's so good looking! I probably love his face only, not his entire being. That would be unfair to the both of us.

But yes, I shall help him!

Truth be told, I wish our relationship can be like that of Benjamin and I. That would be reaaaally great. =)

Money and Darin.

2006-12-14T18:25:00.000-08:00

I love Darin.

Not Fazli.

I love Darin.

Not Fazli.

Darin.
Darin.
Darin.

I'm at IKEA to work. Not to be obessessed over a darin lookalike. I'm at IKEA to earn some cash. I'm not there to fool around.

From now on, I shall never talk to Fazli unless its strictly official.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

I DON'T WANT TO BE PLAYED LIKE A FOOL!!!

I DON'T WANT TO BE TAKEN ADVANTAGED OF.

I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S TRULY FOR REAL.

Fuck.

Everything but who I want

2006-12-14T11:23:00.000-08:00

EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL - DARIN

When I saw you I knew you were the one
I want to orbit you like you're the sun
But let me know before I come undone
Am I the one for you

I'm like a puzzle with a missing piece
I got a car but didn't get the keys
And only you can set my mind at ease
So what am I to do

I have everything but the girl I want, it's sad but true
And everything but the love I need to make it trough
And everythime I look into your eyes, thats when I realize
Just how much I love you

Some say lady luck is on my side
And that my life has been an easy ride
But they don't know how many times I cried
Cause I'm nothing without you

I don't know how long I can keep it up
I need a sign to make it trough
You gotta tell me now, you gotta let me know
So what am I, what am I to do

I have everything but the girl I want, it's sad but true...

------------------------

Yes, its cheesy to say but everytime I hear this ballad, I tend to cry! Can't help it, not only is it a beautiful song but I'm heartbroken. T_T

8th Day

2006-12-12T11:49:00.000-08:00

Consider me dumped.

I got a feeling Fazli treats me like his little sister or something. =(

Oh well.

On a slightly happier note, someone asked for my number! =D

7th Day

2006-12-12T00:39:00.000-08:00

OH MY GOD.

I MADE IT!!!!

ONE WEEK.

Fazli didn't come today. =(

Anyway, I was so... down until it was lunch time. Apparently I had my appetite back and I dug into a slice of strawberry cake and chicken pie for lunch. Then again, ate nothing for dinner.

But I was sorta happy again. Hehe.

I tried out serving today... even though its not part of my job. I served chicken wings and chicken with chips. Oh my god. OILY FOOD ALERT. But its really fun, I got to raise my voice (useful), and smile at everyone. However the plates are extremely hot... I had to put it down.

Something stupid happen at the back of the kitchen.

Me: -rushes to take more chicken wings-
Steven: -waits-
Cook: Nah, here you go.
Me: Don't want! Very hot. Steven, you take it first.
Cook: -says something and laughs-
Steven: -takes and goes-
Cook 2: -passes a container of chicken wings-
Me: Ow, hot!
-after a few seconds-
Me: Oh. Not hot. -laughs like a bloody idiot-

I'll be working at 4pm to 11pm later. =(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6th Day

2006-12-10T23:55:00.000-08:00

I realised being a supervisor is really sad and tiring...

You have to come even on Sundays!

So you really must have true passion and love for the F&B industry... in fact, working at Ikea has made me realise how great running a restaurant can be. A truely popular restaurant is almost immortal, everyone constantly keeps coming in. The crowd never sleeps!

EVERYONE, down to the last one is important.

If the bussers slack, the dish washing peeps can't perform their jobs efficiently and then the ones doing all the cutlery shall face the wrath of the customers!!!! Scary.

And the customers should be more considerate too....

I mean, take what you need... Some of them take so many cutlery and never use them! And they take their own sweet time to sit down and eat. Hurry up a little man. People are all desperate for a seat.

Oh well.

Singaporeans.

Bah.

5th Day

2006-12-10T12:13:00.000-08:00

You know, the more I look at Fazli and compare him to Darin's non-photoshoot shots, I really think Fazli is better looking? o_O

Being infatuated sucks, he's invading my sleep!!!!! Argh.

I'm losing my appetite to eat too. (Hadn't ate dinner in 4 days) Most of my energy comes from drinks.

Shit.

Shit.

SHIT!

Anyway, I'm made to work at the tables again, collecting plates. I like doing coffee. =(

OH.

I KNOW HOW TO USE MY COMBINATION LOCK!!!!

HAHA, I'M DAMN HAPPY.

Fazli made me sweep the floor.

ITS NOT MY JOB.

And there was this customer who asked me to go and get paper bags twice. She told me to pack her wings and fries AND look for her daughter. Who the heck am I?

-sighs-

I always go out of my way to help customers. -_-

4th Day

2006-12-09T00:35:00.000-08:00

Wore my contacts today.

Got a lot of compliments from both genders.

And yes, even from Fazli. =D

Anyway, it was Priscilla's, Steven's and Terrence's first day today. haha. I got to slack today (sort of), cause I was in charge of the drinks station. I have to top up coffee, napkins, tomato and chili sauce, etc. It was easy at first but when things start running out, I gotta carry boxes and stuff. =X

So Priscilla, ITS NOT REALLY SLACKING.

Oh, I found how old Fazli is, 22! -joy-

I'm so happy he's not 26. o_O

I finally got proper working shoes... I wore converse on the first and second day, damn painful. The third day, I wore my boots. Lol. But yeah, I'm happy with my new pair of shoes.

FAZLI MADE ME LEARN HOW TO WASH COFFEE MACHINES.

AWFUL MAN! -grumbles-

3rd day

2006-12-07T22:32:00.000-08:00

What the hell.

Now I start feeling nervous whenever I go to work. I'm sooooo pissed at myself for feeling this way. I don't even know how old is he or if he's even married!

Well.

Today.

We talked. Somewhat. Anyway he gave my own locker which I had no idea how to use. The lock is so complicated... and there are different ways of opening it. o_O I had to ask him TWICE! And other guys as well.

Oh dear.

Oh, Jasmina a.k.a Dragon Lady wanted me to try out cashiering...

Its soooo scary. There are so many kinds of sets and free stuff... credit cards and what nots. I'm unsure of my capability to do it... but I was to try out anyway... So I did the cashiering in the morning when there are lesser people.

Okay lah. Kinda fun...

But when rush hour came, I quickly went over to do my bussering.

-sighs-

And when I wanted to go home, I had to ask some other guy to open my locker door. He laughed all the way to the locker room. -_-

2nd Day

2006-12-06T22:39:00.000-08:00

WHOA.

One of my supervisors is H-O-T.

As in his face cause his body is so... skinny. Lets just say he looks so much like Darin, its almost as good as having the real one around me. Hehe. I kept looking out for him. LOL.

But he hardly talks to me. =(

THE AGONY!!!

Moving on, I did much more today. I took ice, was in charge of the drinks topper. Waaaaaaah. The drinks topper may be in a way cleaner cause you just need to clean the cutlery and place them in containers but its SO stressful.

Sometimes the rate at which the customers are coming in is faster than the customers going out so sometimes we run out of cutlery and I have to run here and there just to get them.

My shoes are killing me too.

Today, I took a taxi home instead of a bus.

First Day

2006-12-05T21:55:00.000-08:00

Extremely tiring.

Being a busser is no frickin joke.

I have to clear so many tables, clean chicken bones with my fingers, entertain the questions of people. And my uniform is... funny. An apron round the waist and a cap. My shirt happens to be one size too big. -_-

The stuff are so heavy! I swear I'll be 5cm shorter after this!

Anyway, I was determined to have a good working attitude so I smiled and said hi to all my fellow co-workers. And by the end of the day, I knew about 8 people. =D

I love my job.

Sort of.

Its back-breaking, digusting but extremely satisfying. =D

Oh, I took the right bus but in the right direction and I ended up all the way at Woodlands. @_@ And my feet kept hurting me!!! Damn shoes.

OMG.

2006-12-04T18:33:00.000-08:00

I GOT THE JOB AT IKEA!!!!!

YAYNESS.

WOOT.

WOOT.

LOL.

STARTING TOMORROW.

CAN'T WAIT.

I JUST WANNA SCREAM OUT LOUD.

WOOT.

Of happy feet and laughs

2006-12-03T19:22:00.000-08:00

TCC called this morning!!!!

OMG.

I turned down the job.

Anyway, went to meet up with Christabel for a movie. Treating her with my free movie tickets. I meet up with Qianyi too. Looking good as always. =D Love your boots. Anyway, watched Happy Feet with Christabel.

Its so funny and cute and yes like Christabel said, it has an environmental theme too. I love popcorn!!! LoL. Well, my favourite characters from the movie was the Amigos, the chirpy small group of penguins. Hehe.

After that, we walked about somemore. I love her so much. We made up stupid songs and remember that joke about Dex's cousin? LOL. Kinda stupid on my part. Haha.

I WILL GET YOUR PRESENT WHEN I HAVE A JOB, OKAY???!!!!

Red Camp

2006-12-02T00:12:00.000-08:00

Red Camp was sooooooo boring.

I went there thinking I could have a little break from all the pressure lately.

But no, I was damn bored.

The polytechnic is kinda nice though... pretty big and what nots. The people there were really friendly. Okay, its not that camp thats boring. Its more like the company.

Don't really wanna go into details...

But the highlight of the camp was....

There was this competition to make a photo frame out of cardboard and LED (light emitting diode. There were only 5 winners.... but the judges said they couldn't bear to throw away a sixth.

Guess what, Natasha, Rashidah and I came in 6th!!!

We each won a pair of free movie tickets. =D

Anyway, I sneaked out of Red Camp during dinner and went to meet Christabel for dinner instead. Now, thats what I call fun. We had dinner at Breeks, the spagetti was sooo good. =)

We walked around City Hall, the historical sites. The Singapore River.... Its super destressing okay... Thanks CHRISTABEL. You made my day. =)

Job hunting

2006-11-30T22:12:00.000-08:00

Aaaargh.

Everyone has some kind of job except me!!

I'm not keen on working in an enclosed office, interacting with a computer (I did that last year and I was sooooooooooooo bored, I cried.) so my eyes were set upon the retail and F&B industry.

I went to interview at TCC for a waitress position... I did it even though I knew it serves alcohol. I was kinda of desperate. But I think the interview dude likes me cause I made him laugh. Anyway, even though it got on well, I was SUPER guilty after that.

Then Atikah and I went to Sakura restaurant.

Pretty dull place but then again, I needed a job.

I went over to the Metro one while she did an admin position opposite. A cashier sounds like a really demanding and stressful job... if you lose 1000 bucks, you gotta pay for it. Scary isn't it?

Then we took a little break.

And went around Orchard.

We went home, tired but with out hearts filled with hope. (LOL.)

Stuff. LOL.

2006-11-29T19:57:00.000-08:00

Went to meet Emerald today...

she's this jewellry maker that creates one-of-a-kind stuff. Meaning only you will have that piece in the world. Expensive stuff though. >_<

I bought two. One bracelet and a pair of earrings. Cost 60 bucks in total. Haha.

Went back and got LOCKED out of the house...

So went downstairs and played with this new stray kitten. Its soooooooooooooo pretty and playful. Haha. I named it Obsidian cause its black... although with grey stripes.

And well I sitting down, this ass of a dog rushed out and licked my toe! It doesn't know how much trouble I have to go through because of him. Grr. (I'm not a dog hater though)

WELL.

Hmm...

No luck yet. Ikea did not call. And its new outlet is opening tomorrow. I'M SO DOWN!

Job application.

2006-11-28T21:33:00.000-08:00

Went to apply for a job at Ikea today...

At the restaurant.

I think I did rather well... I made the interview dude laugh and he remembered my name! Haha.

Then went to Vivo with Atikah.

Thats where I saw the most gorgeous clothes!!! A spanish label... omg. I was like, "Oh dear! I need two jobs." Seriously... its expensive. Like 60++ for a somewhat simple top. Aaargh.

I didn't really want to work but now... I DO!!!!

I WANT THAT JOB.

Why I wanna work at Ikea:
- its a swedish franchise.
-Sweden = sarah and darin
- one of my favourite "malls"
- I need money, badly.

Home by midnight

2006-11-28T01:40:00.000-08:00

Went out with Nasriah today...

But before that, I went to trim my hair. I was so mad after that. Lol. I want it to be very long, see.... Anyway, Nasriah. I've never seen her for quite a while...

She has an attitude problem. -_-

A couple of girls laughing casually with one another... and she called them bitches. 0_0 SERIOUSLY!

A girl with a denim skirt walked by... and she called her a slut. The skirt wasn't even THAT short. Geez. -_-

However, she did give me an organiser... A really cool one too. Lol.

Was late with my meeting with Dex. Supposed to meet him at 7:30 but I got on the train at 7:10! At the earliest, I'll reach home at 7:30. It was supposingly a dinner/movie outing. Haha. But me being a girl, I think I changed out of many outfits before deciding what to wear.

I thought Dex was short so I forgo my heels.

He was taller than I thought. -_-

I was so wrong about the outing! I thought it would be dull and boring... cause for all you know I might be a little shy. (HAH! Benjamin will say. Lol) It turned out to be really fun and funny. We cracked each other up.

We watched Casino Royale. Eva Green is gorgeous!

He slept through the... talking part. I didn't find that part boring though... they had an exchange of wits. Throughout the 2 and 1/2 hour movie, I kept shaking my leg cause I wanna go loo. =X

And for the first time, I reached home at 12:15mn. >_<

Heh.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTABEL!

More presents! =D

2006-11-25T22:28:00.000-08:00

Met Ronald in the afternoon who gave me a really thick novel called War and Peace and a box of chocolates! Whee!

And no worries Ronnie, I will start reading it as soon as I can.

After that went to meet Rashidah. I was laaaate! X_x

I went on a mini shopping spree, buying mini presents and stuff for my room. I bought sandels that look like they were from Burkenstock. But as everyone knows, those don't come cheap. >_<

I wasted money on Natasha though...

We wanted to see her new curls so I paid my train fare and halfway to our destination, she wasn't home! Humph.

Rashidah went to meet her current squeeze while I make my way back to Tampines to meet my parents for dinner.

My father pissed me off. He kept grumbling about why I was there and etc so I did something I never done before. I just stood up and walked out of Delifrance. Aaaaand I went home.

Anyway, I used Benjamin's money to buy a Disney Princess clock. It's pretty. =D

Looooong Day

2006-11-24T23:01:00.000-08:00

Wow.

The 24th of November.

I went to meet Christabel so I could pass her my prom shoes for her prom! She look so cool in her Pizza Walker uniform. She's so lucky she has a job! At least can pass time while I rot at home.

Pfft.

Then went to meet Wanda all the way at Vivo City.

The mall is HUGE! Oh my God, and I went there in my wedges. Imagine how they hurt. -sighs- The price of beauty. Wanda's hair rocks. Very nice, such a myriad of colours. I'm so tempted to dye my hair even though I love my black hair.

Wanda gave me the Disney Magic 2 cd and a Lion King picture book. THANK YOUUUUU!!

We had lunch together at Burger King.

Since I had no money, I used my emergency $5 Burger King voucher. There was a cute guy working at Burger King but he's way too young. Why must I be so old?????

After Wanda had to go, I went back home.

Took out my contacts and changed into my specs. They were irritating again. And wore jeans and sneakers instead of my skirt and wedges. Off I went to meet Benjamin.

It was nice to see him again after soooo long. Haha. I'm glad he could wear the T shirt I bought for him. If it wasn't so big, I think I would have wore it myself. =P
I went to the library to borrow some novels. I have sooooooo much time on my hands. >_<

Benjamin has so kindly gave me 20 bucks as a gift. Haha.

That night, I had dinner with my family at EatZi.

Its somewhat a rather posh place. Wait, a posh-like ambience with normal prices. =D

I enjoyed myself. Never had to travel so many places in one place before.

I'm 17!

2006-11-23T23:52:00.000-08:00

Today was supposed to be a day that I assumed was going to be one of the best days of the year. But it wasn't, not really...

Morning

GOOD FUN!

Christabel and I tested out the chocolate mint ice-cream cake we made the night before. It tastes just as good as it looks! Wait, even better! =D

After we both had a slice (cake was soooooooooooo filling), I attempted to sort of teach/supervise Christabel how to cycle.

I think she did pretty good... manage to cycle like 3 pedals before losing her balance. =P

Afternoon

Natasha and Rashidah came over.

Everyone loves my hair. Hee~

I had no idea what possessed me to wear what I wore that day. Its so.... old and un-hip. Lol. I think its the skirt and the bag. Haha. Shall leave the skirt for semi-formal parties or weddings.

We went to Orchard when ta-dam, the first tradegy struck.

My contacts were behaving in a very perculiar way so I had to go to the toilet to put it right. Christabel went to buy contact lense cases and solutions. In the end, I had no choice but to forgo the contacts and walked about half blind.

Since then, I always made sure I had my specs and contact cases and solutions.

Gloria came later with delicate curls in her hair. Very pretty. I wish I had my long hair again. =(

Let's see, went to Far East Plaza next.

My wedges were killing my ankles. Huge blisters like... mini bombs... =( Walked about somemore till we came to this shop where they could customize your handphone with beads and sequines and what nots.

Okay.

The IT! (Rashidah, Natasha, Gloria) girls wanted to customize my new hp as a birthday gift. Was rather reluctant cause my phone is very new and so goddamn sexy the way it is but didn't want to say no. Then again, I'm pretty sure my face expression said NO WAY! O_O

So anyway, the guy started putting all the shiny stuff on it. And thats when I was appalled. I saw all those glue stains on my hp. It was so bleeding ugly. I started wiping away, couldn't get it off. I wiped somemore and the tears came.

I think its because ever since I bought the phone, I would constanly polish and wipe it with tissue, cloth or my own shirt. Another factor would be I'm VERY VERY sensitive when it comes to objects with sentimental values.

My phone is one of them.

So anyway, I think me crying kind of spoiled the day. Everyone was a little akward after that. =( Thank goodness Christabel was there so I would have abandoned all reason and went home.

Yes, I found out I'm rather a cry-baby.

Night

Okay, walked about somemore till dinner time. It! girls couldn't stay long so they went off while Christabel and I had dinner at Ramen Ten. Later we went to see if we could find her prom shoes. None to her liking. Fussy girl. =)

Stayed till rather late.

Christabel gave me a musical jewellry box. The doll would dance to "When The Saints Go Marching On". Very beautiful. Whee.

So all in all, fab day. A little bump here and there but who ever said your day had to be perfect for you to have fun.

cake-in-the-making

2006-11-22T22:57:00.000-08:00

Proof that Christabel and I baked a cake!

Of course, my Mummy helped. =(

Post O-Levels. YAY!

2006-11-21T23:16:00.000-08:00

O LEVELS ARE OVER!!!!

I REBONDED MY HAIR!!!!

I WENT ON A SHOPPING SPREE!!!

Okay. -breathes-

DARIN'S ALBUM IS COMING OUT!!!!

MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING!!!!!

Woot.

Woot.

Okay.

Look, my hair has natural highlights. =)

Priscila is awesome. I don't know how she had the patience to walk ALL OVER Mariana Square over an hour, just to find ebase... She waited 3 hours till I'm done with my hair. And she endured while I went on a shopping spree...

I truely enjoyed my shopping spree. I love all my clothes. =DD

Birthday coming soon.

Turning 17. =(

My Disney! =(

2006-11-11T23:25:00.000-08:00

Thanks Dad.

He deleted all my Disney songs!!!!!!

I'm so pissed.

Okay, I know its kind of childish. I admit it. But I love Disney. Like really really love Disney and its masterpieces. The Disney channel is also my favourite channel. Now I have to buy all the CDs. =(

I LOVE LION KING!!!!

I want a lion soft toy from Toys R Us.

The really massive one. =D

Almost there...

2006-11-10T22:31:00.000-08:00

I'm halfway through.\ O Levels.

Everybody cheer with me.

And I just realised Benjamin wrote such a sweet thing about me. Haha. Now why can't all guys be sweet and nice? Why must they screw up their own lives? Some are extremely rude. -_-

Anyway, of course, girls are like that too...

Oh well.

I need to clean up my room.

Final words

2006-11-05T20:58:00.000-08:00

The time has arrived.

Tomorrow's the day.

And I only have the following words to say:

Beez.

Neiy.

Twet.

Woo.

=D

A rustic memory

2006-11-03T12:13:00.000-08:00

See this hat I was wearing?

It has a story...

It was my favourite and most valued possession. And I left it on a bus long ago and I forgot to take it. (Happened like 12 years ago or something) I love it!!! So if anyone can find a hat or get it for my birthday, I will love them very very very very much. =(

Has to be similar though. tartan.

I wish I wasn't so careless. =(

Insonmia... AGAIN.

2006-11-02T04:36:00.000-08:00

its 4:30am.

i'm having insonmia- again. I keep waking up in the middle of the night. Sucks.

All I know is I'm tired, I'm sleepy and I want to sleep!! But I can't. I got the flu too... and I'm hungry. =(

maybe I'll try to study later- if i can manage.

Am I talking any sense here?

Bloody hell, the newspaper man scared the sleepiness out of me!!! @_@

Oh yay.

I wish I was an island

2006-10-31T21:20:00.000-08:00

You've all heard of the idiom, "No man is an island." It refers to the relationships Man has to forge with the people around him in order to survive, be it in business or life.

Do you ever wish that you were an island?

Because if you don't need anyone, you don't need to take shit from those people.

You don't need to give a fuck about what they say.

You needn't get hurt.

I mean, you think they're your friends and before you know it, no one cares.

I AM SO BLOODY PISSED!

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY!

Just another empty resolution

2006-10-31T08:56:00.000-08:00

I just came back from my morning run... gonna try and make it into a habit. People, please support me since I'm quite the fickle one. Lol.

Anyway, 5 more days!!!!

Wah, I'm so happy that I ran that I shall be happy cramming too. -grins-

And its 23 more days to my birthday!!! This year, I wanna make it special. Instead of having a party or going out to eat crap (I postponed party to the next 3 years. XD) we shall focus on working out!!! - pretends to be excitied about it-

Wanda and Christabel - bootcamp sleepover.
- jogging
- canoeing
- biking
- swimming? =D

Benjamin
- ice skating

But I doubt I can get my other friends to work out. Soooooo, I guess its shopping. After all, shopping is excercise. I just hope I can pass the ice-cream. I looooove ice cream. I like creamy stuff. =DD

Danish's new squeeze

2006-10-30T23:35:00.000-08:00

Yes, it happened again.

Danish has a new girl.

A girl from Romania.

Oh well, thats all I have to report. And Sassy, thanks for everything. -gives the brightest, most glamourous, real smile- =D

2006-10-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

Remember I said I have no regrets about my grandmother's death?

Well, I do.

I kept thinking about the last time I did something affectionate...

I held her hand and smiled what I hope is a everything-will-be-alright sort of smile. (Because I find my smile very false and evil. You have to see my eyes.)

But that was quite long ago.

I wish I could do more.

I wish i could have took her in my arms and hug her.

I wish I could kiss her on the forehead.

I wish I said "I love you".

So, for those who still have your grandparents, never take those important words for granted. I did. And I suffered regrets. Oh well, the thing about regrets is you can't do much about them.

Moving along...

Sassy, I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Ngee Ann poly emailed me about their Red Camp. I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!! I thought I wouldn't be selected... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Aaaaaaaargh.

Evil.

9 more days to Os and counting!

2006-10-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

My crimson tide has finally arrived after a two month hiatus. =DD

I took the oppurtunity and went jogging. It was surprisingly good... even though I can only run for half an hour now... no longer one hour. But I'll work my way up.

And, it has finally happened.

My grandmother has passed on. And thus, I'm offically grandparent-less. All I can say is, there are no regrets... for me at least.

Sidenote: I could never remember how to draw tangent lines!!!

Exactly a month to my birthday... and a few days to Os. =X

2006-10-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

I have resorted to using the computer in the wee hours of the morning. Because its either I'm too darn guilty to use it when I can study or Danish happens to hog it. Alright... Science practical in two days.

I hope I won't burn anything. Not like my prelims. =X

I can actually count the days to O Levels with my toes and fingers. Its so scary. This is it, man. This is the moment that decides your future. This is the "door" that you hear people talking about. This is the one moment that changes the course of your life.

-fans oneself-

I'm about to faint. X_X;;

SO ANYWAY,

Lindsay Lohan is a total bombshell.

Right, random. ._.

2006-10-13T23:54:00.002-07:00

Someone shoot me.

Okay, don't recoil with disgust. Its 11:37pm and I have yet to take my bath. YES. Since morning. The moment I woke up, I went straight to the table and studied chemistry. However, I did brush my teeth and have my facial.

24 DAYS TO O LEVELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -screams-

Right now, I have no life. I hardly go out, I can't watch movies and so on but this is temporary. If I fail, there is no life.

Anyway, guess what?

My wallet has been found! Like two months after I reported it missing. And do you know what the strangest thing is? There was NOTHING missing. I had about 30 bucks in there and it wasn't stolen!

Isn't it amazing?

I have money now. =)

Okay, okay. Lastly, has anyone seen the cover page of this month's Men's Health? The guy is buff! Not into super buff guys but he's eye candy. And, my dad bought this issue. So I was flipping through, and half the pages are featured about sex. No surprises there.

My favourite page was a picture of this very gorgeous yet decent-looking model. I've seen him in some other magazine, he's s swedish-chinese. Maybe I'll try and scan the picture someday. =D

Alright, I HAVE TO SHOWER!!

Good night!

2006-10-11T05:55:00.000-07:00

Who is a mountain tortoise?

Nadiah, obviously! I just recently found out that my handphone has a radio function! I was never a radio person but all I can say now is... I'm hooked! My poor ipod has been neglected. =(

Pfft. Who told it to give me problems... I have so mang songs I want to put in there as well as my podcasts (which are very cool) but ITS NOT WORKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -huffs and puffs- Good God, I'm always digressing. I was supposed to talk about the radio.

I really like it!

Comes in real handy when I'm studying.. Seeking knowledge in a quaint little corner, humming away to whatever is on air. Absolutely perfect. Although I admit and tend to get distracted especially when I'm doing Math. -_-

Okay, here's a random fact: I tend to obsess over people's height.

Lol.

2006-10-08T09:26:00.000-07:00

I have to get this book!

Does My Head Look Big In This? - Randa Abdel-Fattah

The catchy blurb on the back nicely sums up the whole context of the novel:

The slide opened and I heard a gentle, kind voice:
‘What is your confession, my child?’
I was stuffed. The priest would declare me a heretic; my parents would call me a traitor…
The priest asked me again: ‘What is your confession, my child?”
‘I’m Muslim,’ I whispered.

I actually laughed out loud! Seriously.

I soooooo have to get it. But, I've been meaning to write a story like that. I guess someone beat me to it. =(

2006-10-07T07:44:00.000-07:00

New blogskin! =DD

I changed my tagboard so it would fit with the greenish scheme. Its empty though... so start tagging!! =)

Did so bad for prelims. Its so bad that I'm embaressed to disclose the information. All I can say is... I can't believe I did not do better for Chemistry and I did better than expected for Math. I thought I would get an F9 but nop, I didn't. No F9s, thank God.

English, English, English.

Shall focus on Paper 1 since that is where I score. Paper 2 scares me, actually. The passage is usually easy but sometimes the questions stun me. I realise not long ago, that I always hold my breath when the teachers start giving out the papers. Lol.

Oh, East and West are so different.

What is aneroxic in the West is actually well... alright in Asia. When Hollywood stars start dropping below 50kg, everyone buzzes about aneroxia and bulimia. My friend is 37kg (like Nicole Ritchie) and she's not aneroxic! Western peeps are just bigger built which is why I want to live there. I feel so huge, large and out of place in Singapore where thin, twig-like people reside.

But I digress.

Anyway, I so wanna watch Death Note!!!!!

2006-09-30T23:38:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it.

My love for anime has returned. OMG... Its like I found a long lost lover. My heart races, I'm itching to grin non-stop, I feel so serene and tranquil. That's love! XD

I used to love anime a lot, before it went mainstream. I liked since I was a Primary 5 kid. My father said I'm like a pioneer... lol. Back then, if you mention anime or manga, everyone goes "HUH?" They understood it only if you mentioned Pokemon or Digimon.

But since it got popular and manga started popping everywhere...

I guess that love kinda faded... buuuuuuuuuut

ITS BACK!!!!

And I'm aching to watch some anime!!! More reason for Os to pass so I can watch anime on end. -grins-

2006-09-29T11:01:00.000-07:00

I feel pretty!

Oh so pretty!

I feel pretty, witty and gay!

Lalala~

Westside's Story 'I Feel Pretty' is such a cute and lively song. I'm going to make it a habit to sing it whenever I'm low on confidence, energy or just plain sad. =D

2006-09-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

I knew I shouldn't have packed more money than needed.

I actually bought 3 magazines at one go! Seventeen, Cleo and SHAPE. o_O

Like what the hell...

What a coincedence though! Seventeen was featuring goth/punk esemble. And masks! Yep, now I know what to wear for the party... buuut, I'm starting to wonder. Is having a party for losers? I mean, shouldn't friends be the one giving you a surprise party instead?

Now I'm not so sure if I want one or not. =(

And, as usual, Physics was tough... Chemistry was easy though. Sort of. hehe.

2006-09-29T07:12:00.000-07:00

I have 5 minutes before I make my way to school.

Its my last prelim paper. Hehe.

UPDATES

- I've cleaned up my room so I can start revising. Full speed ahead!
- I'm in love with Tata Young's El Nin-Yo and 3 Doors Down's Kryptonite (Who knew my Dad has fantastic taste?).
- I sooooo have to get my toner. It finished days ago and I've been too lazy to get a new one. The current one I'm using just sucks!
- I was literally slaughtered by Math Paper 1.
- Stupid ipod thingy can't connect to my computer!
- I found the poweress of podcasts. I can now study while I jog. Awesome! <--- why does this sound so weird?
- Danish is becoming "American". He is using the word, "Dude" in his speech. hate it. -_-;
- I want to speak like a Brit, as in perfect English. NOT ACCENT. (Contridicts the top point?)
- I hate my butt. Isn't this surprising? -drawls-
- I... have nothing to say.

OH, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, QIANYI!!!!!!!!1

YAYNESS

2006-09-28T08:04:00.000-07:00

YEEAAAAH!

My mum gave me permission to have a party on my birthday!!!!

Although strictly, no dancing. =(

Oh well.

WHO CARES?!

I'm having a party! Its been so long since I had a proper one... the last one was two years ago. Whee! The theme is Renaissance and its a masquerade. Meaning, everyone invited has to wear a mask. Italian food, too~

Lalala.

There's quite a number of people to invite. =X I'm putting aside a couple of hundred for goodie bags and food. Argh, I can't wait to plan. My only fear is that people aren't sporting enough to try it out. =(

Anyway,

Peace out!

2006-09-26T16:20:00.000-07:00

Teenage hormones don't agree with me.

Family and I were going through old albums and I swear, when I was a baby right up to primary school, I don't have any bad pictures taken of me. Frankly, I believe I was gorgeous, WAS. But age 12 onwards, I got uglier! T_T

Darker skin.
Messier hair.
Pimples.
Fatter.

-cries-

Hopefully, once I pass that stage, I'll be what God had intended for me to be. =X

Anyway, moving along.

Update on prelims.

Well.... I TOTALLY screwed Math. I couldn't finish the questions and it was relatively easy! AAAAAAAAAARGH. Isn't great that it wasn't O levels? Sheesh. I learned my lesson.

Chemistry was bloody easy as Physics was tough. Two questions were taken from last year's O Levels for Pure Chem. I was lucky to attempt the questions at tutition. Hehe. However the one on chemical analysis (precipitate and stuff) was kinda difficult... and I couldn't remember how to differentiate ethanol from ethanoic acid. Guess what I wrote?

Ethanol burns with colourless flame whereas ethanoic acid doesn't. -_-

What else... Hmm, I skipped an entire question of PoA. The one with disposal account. Yeah yeah, everyone says its easy. Heck, PoA is just like rocket science! I rather learn rocket science anyway.

OH YEAH!

Its the fasting month and I'm on my third day. Quick, no? And by the time it ends, DA-DAM, O LEVELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm already thinking about the last day... =D

Do you call that optimism or just plain stupidity?

Now, to post some pictures of my current obsession: Vanessa Hudgens.

Everyday, I wake up hoping that someone will bump into me and say, "Hey Nadiah! If you apply some make-up and have long hair, you'll look like Vanessa Hudgens!" I will be thrilled if that happened. But no, I get Siti Nurhaliza, Rahimah Rahim or Nia Ramadhani. Don't get me wrong, they're beautiful. Very beautiful. (except for Rahimah who is... average beautiful. =X)

I'm getting depressed just thinking about it.

Buuuuuut, in some shots, she looks like my mother in her twenties sooooooo there is potential. When there's potential, there's possibilites. XD

2006-09-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

Apparently I am capable of getting drunk.

After bingeing on nachos and peanut butter, I went a bit mad. Danish says I started laughing and giggling to myself. o_o

Ooh, prelims practical sucks! @_@

And I have a confession, I cheated. I was eyeing my friend and looking whether her glowing splint relighted or if a white ppt was formed in the limewater. Oh and I broke one of the test tubes... I heated the substance so badly till the glass just... dropped. That was chemistry... Physics is a different story. Argh... I couldn't tell if the ammeter was showing 0.5A but thank god, i finished the experiment in the last 20 mins! I left my "how do you find the concentration of an acid" thingy blank too. AND I KNOW THE EFFING ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#&$&%#^&% ^&%^&%$%
65&#&#&%& j^tju$

Priscilla says I'm a lesbian.

Lol.

Because I spend my free time oohing and aahing over gorgeous models. Hello, that just means I'm addicted to beauty. Trust me, if I look like supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio, I would be fawning over myself.

Alright.

I have to hit the books.

Maybe I'll go to school with a swelling on my head.

2006-09-05T20:29:00.000-07:00

Steve Irwin died!

Imagine that.

My father came back last night and said, "Nadiah! Guess who died?" When he said that, quite a number of celebrities ran through my mind but never Steve Irwin. I mean, that guy is just one hell of fun, enthusiasm and energy!

I grew up watching his series. My very first serious career decision was to be a zoologist and I remembered saying how much I wanted to be like Steve Irwin. To study animals and help them. He was so into what he does and it amazes me.

So, today.

I just want to say that even though I want to venture into food science, I still want to be just like you. Loving what I do. =)

2006-09-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

Tasha is starting to get on my nerves.

[WARNING. Bitch fit ahead!]

Okay, everyone likes her because she's so sweet and cute with that awesome smile and dimples. I like her too, actually. She's almost everything I want to be, tall, small frame albeit flabby, long hair, perfect oval face and dimples!

And I'm everything she doesn't want to be.

I have broad shoulders, a square face, short.

Every morning, I come to school with the intention of loving myself for who I am. I like my broad shoulders, I really do. It makes me look strong and powerful, not like a weakling little girl.

Know what she says about them?

"Broad shoulders make you look like a man. They make you look fat even when you're not."

As for my square jaw, well.

Its alright, I guess. I can't cut some hairstyles, thats all. I've seen tons of celebrities and models having this particular jaw shape. And when I try to point that out, she says "But they're stick thin so they look good with it." Is she saying that I can only look good with my God-given face if I'm STICK THIN?!

Sometimes, I wonder if she realises she's hurting my feelings. Or maybe she's just like that and she doesn't know. She claims I'm the outspoken one, and wishes to be more direct.

Pfft. My ass.

I don't see any reason to be stick thin. It doesn't equate to beauty, sucess or popularity. I don't even want to be a model anyway! I just like having photographs taken of me. o_O

Or maybe I'm just too sensitive. I am when it comes to body image. Its a war I'm battling here and she's not helping. Does she see me as a rival, I wonder? She's mix blood too. Frankly, she might be tall, great dimples and everything but I think I have better features.

So there. =D

2006-08-31T22:46:00.000-07:00

Okay.

Its official. My class thinks its dangerous for me to pop a pill. Well, I can't help it if it helps me get a good night's rest. Its not those convention sleeping pill, okay... its melatonin.

Whats Melatonin, you ask?

"Melatonin is the all-natural nightcap. It's secreted by the pineal gland, a pea-size structure at the center of the brain, as our eyes register the fall of darkness." At night melatonin is produced to help our bodies regulate our sleep-wake cycles. The amount of melatonin produced by our body seems to lessen as we get older. Scientists believe this may be why young people have less problem sleeping than older people."

So I'm young. But it really works. I have a mild sleep disorder anyway. Besides, melatonin is high in antioxidants.

Oh, there was no cross country this morning.

There was just so much rain! Sad. I hope we can have it another day. That means I have chances of being faster/stronger/lighter. I took a body fat analysis today. I'm 6kg above a healthy level for fat!!! @_@

HELP!

I'm so fat. Looking at that got me motivated again. =D

And I had chocolate for lunch. =(

Bad idea cause I suffered from a migrain for the rest of the day. Not good, considering I hardly have migrains. I think I ate enough chocolate to last a year. Ok, maybe not... I'm adding dark chocolate (85%) to my diet now.

Oh, I found extremely unflattering pictures of me when I used to be 6kg heavier!!! I had a HUGE/MASSIVE/MONSTROUS butt! And my beautifully crafted square face was a full moon! Beaming and round. I looked so terrible even my eyes couldn't save me! Plus, I had no dress sense. -_-;

Anyway, enough about that.

I'm vain. >_<

Okay, I hope life's good for everyone. =D

2006-08-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

I want Vanessa Hudgen's album! ^o^

Not that she sings THAT well, quite mediocre, really. Like Hilary Duff. o_O But she is gorgeous and I just love looking at pretty faces. By the way, Darin is an exception. =)

Anyway, I saw the trophy that top 3 winners will get... for the cross country. I only have three words to say: I WANT IT!

So.

Oh. I have a new motto... not that I ever have one or actually live by it. It's catchy, bold and short.

"Don't pause".

2006-08-25T19:12:00.000-07:00

I'm in love with High School Musical's Breaking Free.

Vanessa Anne Hudgens is gorgeous. =D

I want a layout based on her. T_T

Someone remind me why I cut my locks again?

Anyway, I've outdone myself. In terms of birthday gifts. I am actually getting a phone for one of my best friends. o_o Priscilla and I collabarated our money into getting her a phone, simcard (top-up) and a treat at a restaurant, Breeks. Hehe. I can't wait to see her stunned face.

But I'm getting Suzanne a windchime.

I just wish I never lost my wallet or I could have gotten something much more. =(

I've been studying too... sort of. Organic Chemistry, anyone? -grins- Everyone is getting serious and its scaring me. I don't want to get left behind. After all, if I study, time flies. 3 more months to O Levels!!! I can't wait. o_O

My end-of-year budget will be $600. I don't think its enough.

kickboxing classes
belly dancing (good grief!) <----- pending.
maybe join Amore Fitness?
thank god, mummy is paying for my capoeira classes.

And...
clothes
make up
assesories
shoes!

I adore wedges. My absolute favourite. Someone get me a pair? =(

Anyway, thanks Sarah! You are the best! =D

2006-08-23T00:10:00.000-07:00

I can't breathe.

I really can't!

There was a whole lot of swedish words... saw the word album, its name... and the date...

And I've concluded that

Darin's new album is coming out!! -screams-

I'm telling you, we were meant to be.

His album is out on the 22 of November, YESH! Novemeber, 1 day before my birthday!!!!! Oh my God. Thank you Darin for that wonderful present. XP

Okay, fine. Am getting really fangirly here.

Lol.

But I'm happy. =)

2006-08-14T14:39:00.000-07:00

I HATE MY MOTHER!

HOW DARE SHE PUT POTATO IN MY PITA WITHOUT TELLING ME????

Is she trying to ruin my carefully planned diet?!

What the fuck is she doing?

How dare she.

Anyway, I don't know whats wrong with me but as soon as I tasted the damn potato, I threw the entire pita into the stupid bin. Good thing, I only nibbled it at first. I'm under enough pressure as it is, I don't need any more.

Geez, putting two fingers down my throat is starting to tempt me.

2006-08-10T07:18:00.000-07:00

Oookay, I am so weird.

Listening to the 8th world wonder makes me want to fall in love (requited love, mind you) I've never really fallen in love, infatutation mostly. Haha. Friends ask if i want a boyfriend and I replied, why not? Right now, I just want one solely on the fact that I have someone to accompany me out, someone to prove to my friends I'm not left on the shelf or unwanted. But I can't wait for a proper, healthy, passionate relationship... =)

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
---------------------------------------------

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUMMY!!! =)

2006-08-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

Whee.

I have found what I wanted to do after holidays besides shopping! Mum offered to pay for my classes too, provided I do well for my prelims. Mweh. I can't wait!!! Argh.

And I never realised IKEA was from Sweden. Omg, I love everything there. There was this store dedicated to swedish delights like salmon patties, rye biscuits, jam and really cool chocolate!! *_* -drools-

IKEA's gonna open in Tampines at the end of this year and there's gonna be a restaurant of swedish cuisine and has a halal section. If the food is great plus affordable, hell, i'm probably dine there at every opportunity I get!!

I went over to candy empire and bought some sugar free and low-fat chocolate. And the taste was, surprisingly, not compromised. It tasted so good but without the actual guilt. =)

I love the song 8th World Wonder... anyone got it? =(

2006-07-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

Gah.

I've been feeling low.

I usually don't like blogging about my personal life but its just so hard now. I don't expect pity just a little encouragment to keep going. :)

Monday was great. I ran for an hour (w/o stopping) and I felt great after that. It was as if I was washing all my problems away. I sprinted downhill, danced with the wind. I was finally doing something about my weight.

I was happy.

Tuesday was fucking emo lah. I hate being emo cause I don't want to be one. But I was really really depressed that day for no utter bloody reason! School was basically stupid. It was racial harmony celebration and we had to dress up.

Why.

Why does everyone have to drag me into EVERY FUCKING PHOTO?????

I try to smile. I try not to let such a trivial thing get into me. But everyone looked so happy and joyful. I don't want to ruin it. Wait a second, why should I even bother? No one could tell how I was feeling.

A picture tells a thousand words and do you know what my picture tells me? It shows a fat, ugly, stupid-looking girl. Yes, it does. Really. I'm under so much pressure. Smart, intelligent people surround me. Gorgeous, pretty people surround me. How can I live up to them?

I'm a nobody.

Not only that, there are some problems at home too. And my leg is killing me. I'm currently limping. Lol.

And like I said, I don't want pity and I certainly don't want to pity myself. So, my decision to stay positive and proactive came after crying my heart out. While waiting for Benjamin (he was late again!), I hid behind the wall and had a good cry. All this happened at night. o_O

In fact, I was still sobbing while I was jogging. Don't try this people, you'll have a hard time breathing. Lol. I kept thinking about what Sarah said, If you even feel like giving up, look up to the sky and aim higher. (Did i get that correct?)

(Sidenote: Jasmine, stop singing those songs that require a powerful voice!!!!! Stick to bubblegum pop. -_-)

Haha.

Aim higher.

Oh, I came to school really late to school today. And Mr Gabriel thought I came. He thought I went to TAF. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! YOU DUMB GIT! WILL YOU BOYS THINK I'M SLIM WHEN I'M ANEROXIC THIN??? FUCK MAN!

2006-07-18T15:25:00.000-07:00

Oh my god!!!!

Indonesia has some of the most beautiful actresses I can ever lay my eyes on. Better than some hollywood stars. And Singaporean actresses pale before them. Think Indonesians aren't very good looking? (Because of the maids we see working in Singapore...)

Think again.

Allow me to save the best for last. =D

Notice that she doesn't pluck her eyebrows and damn, she's drop-dead gorgeous. She's wearing a scarf too. Angel~ *_*

2006-07-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

I want snow white skin. I used to have it when I was a kid. Sun is damaging. X_X;; Anyway, I have nothing much to say except I've added more stuff to my wish list. Yes, I know... how demading can I get?

Did any of you know that I always wanted to be a unicorn?

LOL!

Okay, random. I told you I had nothing to blog about.
--------------------------------------------------------------

Who am I?

I am your constant companion. I am
your greatest helper or heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down
to failure. I am completely at your command.
Half the things I do you might just as well
turn over to me and I will be able to do
them quickly and correctly.

I am easily managed - you must merely
be firm with me. Show me exactly how you
want something done and after a few
lessons I will do it automatically. I am the
servant of all great indivuduals and, alas, of
all failures, as well. Those who are great,
I have made great. Those who are failures,
I have made failures.

I am not a machine, though I work

with all the precision of a machine plus

the intelligence of a human. You may tun

me for a profit or run me for ruin- it

makes no difference to me.

Take me, train me, be firm with me,

and I will place the world at your feet. Be

easy with me and I will destroy you.

WHO AM I?

--------------------------------------------------------------

Peace out!

2006-07-15T22:12:00.000-07:00

RIPPED OF ESTHER'S BLOG

five things you associate with the word:

Long:
running 10km
time allocated to do my English exams
waiting for... special stuff to happen. 0_0
the length of the blood vessels we have placed together. XD
uh, rulers. long rulers.

Love:
family.
friends.
money.
fashion.
myself.

five things i want to own?
a lime green car.
a great career position
all the clothes i ever wanted
long hair.
a great bod.

2006-07-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

I'm so pissed.

Who never even bothered to call.

I'm sick of waiting.

Sometimes, I'm surprised at how patient I can be.

2006-07-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

Oooooh.

He is just so hawt! =)

No prizes for guessing who I'm talking about.

*_*

2006-07-09T15:10:00.000-07:00

Mweh.

I don't know what's up but I've been feeling delirious these days.

I felt like excercising.

I can't wait to begin eatly healthily.

I felt like writing.

Heck, I even felt like studying.

I talked non-stop with my mother. She said its because she fed me one too many chicken backside when I was younger. Lol. XD

Lalala~

I'm haaaappy.

I want this mood to last forever.

And, I've decided if I can't get into psychology, I'll probably go into nutrition science. Its weird but I think nutrition was meant for me, I don't say... find it very interesting but somehow, I just enjoy reading and learning more about it. Its just strange. 0_0

Oh, Wanda and I are going to do yet another photoshoot...

Its theme?

Food disorders.

Wanda gets to be aneroxic girl cause she's so thin... XP I'll do binge eating... haha. I wonder who should do bulimia? o_o Wait, Wanda can do that too... I'll do Night Eating Syndrome.

I love playing with food. *_*

Ooh, Cosfest is on right now but I was just too lazy to go.

2006-07-02T00:30:00.000-07:00

TAKE THIS PEOPLE!!!!!

3 names i go by:
=> Nadiah, Naddie, Nad. <--- o_O

3 parts of my heritage:
=> Uhh... Chinese and malay?

3 of my everyday essentials:
=> food, water, money

3 things that I am wearing now:
=> spectacles, sleeveless purple tee, school shorts. = comfy!

3 of my fave musical artists now:
=> Darin, Jason Marz, Rihanna

3 things you want in a relationship other than love:
=> sincerity, passion, confidence

3 truths and 2 lies:
=> 3 TRUTHS: I love my family. I love money. I actually enjoy healthy eating. 2 LIES: I hate my friends. I love Principal of Accounts.

3 physical things about the opposite sex that attracts you?
=> Eyes, smile and body. Woot!

3 of your fave hobbies:
=> Eating, thumbing my feet against the floor, talking

3 things that you want badly now:
=> Superb O Level results, Fitness First membership and cottage cheese.

3 places you wanna go on vacation:
=> Sweden, Venice and London. =D

3 things you want to try doing:
=> extreme sports, online dating XD, horseback riding

3 people i would like to see taking this test:
=> Christabel, Wanda, Benjamin, Qianyi... I know thats more than 3 but wth.

3 things i look for in a potential boyfriend:
=> He has to be sincere, witty and romantic.

3 things i may want to be in the future:
=> A nutrition and image consultant, a writer or a part-time photographer.

2006-06-28T23:00:00.000-07:00

Hi all~

I counted the days to my prelims and guess what, I have less than 80 days to cram and slam and flam and beeeh. Aaaargh, not to mention Cross Country coming up. I MUST MUST make it to the Top 10...

Anyway, my exam/excercise time table is as follows:

SATURDAY, 010706
8am: Rise and shine
9am: Jogging
.
.
.
11am to 1pm: Math- Vectors
2pm: Social Studies- Venice
3pm: Physics- Kinematics
4pm: Design & Technology- Update folio
5pm to 7pm: Excercise
8pm: English- Writing a composition
9pm: Chemistry- Organic Chemistry
10pm: Principal of Accounts: Depreciation
11pm: History- Russia
12mindnight: Sleeping Beauty =D

Sounds crazy, right?

Yeah, I think its crazy too but I thrive under stress. No more complaining for me. There are some teachers who believe I can't do it aka my PoA teacher. I hate his guts. >_<

The first step is always the hardest... but just 4 more months... and it'll be over! =D

New bishie

2006-06-27T04:16:00.000-07:00

Aaaaaah.

I have a new bishie to add to my list.

-drumrolls-

Brandon Routh a.k.a Superman! -eyes sparkle-

That man is HOT! He looks great in spectacles. Not crazy about the Superman outfit though. =X

2006-06-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

OMG.

OMG.

OMG.

My neighbour commited suicide this evening!! X_x

He lives right beside me!!!!

And

I just smiled at him just a few days back!

I am sooooo freaked out. >_<
-------------------------------------------------

Anyway, happy birthday Natasha!! =D

Boo!

2006-06-20T12:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm feeling way better now. =D

Just need to do some cycling. Its so fun.

2006-06-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

Smurf it!

I'M SICK OF EVERYTHING!

I'M SICK OF NOT DOING WELL IN EXAMS!

I'M SICK OF TUITION!

I'M SICK OF BEING SO AVERAGE LOOKING!

I'M SICK OF PUTTING OFF MY EXCERCISE!

I'M SICK OF BEING FAT!

I'M SICK OF HAVING BIG THIGHS, BROAD SHOULDERS, FAT ARMS, SHORT LEGS AND WHAT NOTS.

I'M SICK OF MY PARENTS!

I'M SICK OF HAVING NO MONEY!

To put it simply, I'm sick of LIVING!

Cool survey!

2006-06-15T23:21:00.000-07:00

Instructions:

Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head - don't read the questions before you write and tag 5 people to do the survey.

1.Christabel
2.Wanda
3.Sarah
4.Benjamin
5.Qianyi
6.Priscilla
7.Atikah
8.Rashidah
9.Gloria
10.Suzanne
11.Natasha
12.Dex
13.Ronald
14.John
15.Danish
16.Esther
17.Hidayah
18.Bryce
19.Terrence
20.Amos

1. How did you meet #14?
===> From school.

2. What would you do if you had never met #1?
===> I don't know... Christabel is awesome, great person. A listener. Has a child like endearment and I guess my life wouldn't be that special. :)

3. What would you do if #20 and #9 dated?
===> Laugh my ass off. Amos = blur ass. Gloria = beauty queen.

4. Would #6 & #17 make a good couple?
===> Nah. They're hetero.

5. Describe #3.
===> OMG. What can I say? She's everything a person could ever hope for in a friend. Funny, witty, fun, selfless. She's beautiful both in and out but she doesn't know how strong she really is though. So, chin up! =DD

6. Do you think #8 is attractive?
===> Yes. In a sparkly, sunshine way. XD

7. Tell me something about #7
===> She's SMART, man!!!

8. Do you know anything about #12's family?
===> Not really except his dad is in hospital? =X

9. What's #8's favourite?
===> Favourite what? oO But her favourite colour is BLUE!

10. What would you do if #11 confesses that he/she likes you?
===> She already does! XD In a friend kind of way.

11. What language does #15 speak?
===> Trash. -_-

12. Who is #9 going out with?
===> Some younger guy by the name of Desmond.

13. How old is #16 now?
===> 15 this year.

14. When was the last time you talked to #13?
===> Hmm... few days back. I was asking him for English homework.

15. Who's #2's favourite singer?
===> I'm sorry!!! I don't know. Errr... that cute Australian dude we say that day? =X

16. Would you date #4?
===> -gags at question- Haha. Why not?

17. Would you date #7?
===> No way! I ain't queer.

18. Is #15 single?
===> My brother is cute and yes, he's avalible!!!

19. What is #10's last name?
===> Chua. =D

20. Would you ever consider being in a relationship with #19?
===> Ewwwww. NO. NO. NO. NOT EVER. He's smart, yes but a tad retarded sometimes.

21. What schools did #3 go to?
===> No idea but currently she goes to this university in Stockholm. X_x;;

22. Where does #6 live?
===> Tampines.

23. What's your favourite thing about #5?
===> She's fun to hang out with!!! =DD

24. What do you think of #18?
===> He's too quiet but he has a nice, coy smile.

25. What do #4 and #19 have in common?
===> Squares. The both of them.

26. What special qualities does #17 hold in your life?
===> Hmm... It was because of her that I never got lonely during my tuition classes and she's just great to be with. :)

Weird.

2006-06-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

I had a weird dream last night.

I dreamt of Sassy! She came to Singapore, went to same school with me. LOL. x_x I wasn't sure how she looked like in my dream but she's beautiful! =3 Then, for some major odd reason, we got chased by reporters. Gahaha. o_O

And I decided not to learn horse riding after all... gonna invest my money in something more worthwhile like brushing up my language skills. I'm supposed to be a trilingual, dammit!!! =X The way I see it, if I have sufficient money in the future, I can take horse riding classes then. =D

Quite a ride!

2006-06-13T15:32:00.000-07:00

The week has been interesting...

I watched The Omen on 060606 - Number of the Beast, supposingly. Seriously, I don't belive in numbers predicting the end of the world. Although I do believe there are signs... besides only God knows. And The Omen was creepy. Not SCARY but creepy... The boy is creepy. His smile is creepy. X_X

And in the middle of the movie, I finally realised the meaning behind that banner that I've been seeing hanging outside churches. "WHERE WILL YOU BE ON JUNE 6?" I was wondering whats so special about that day... Its not Easter, its not Good Friday... so well, now I get it.

Anyway, before my dad met me for the movie. He had dinner with my brother. My brother was eating when this young boy about 7 came and sat beside him, smiling creepily. (according to Danish) He reached out and started eating from the same plate. (danish is pissed at sharing his chicken) My father came back and was bewildered. He asked where his parents were and who he was... reply = nil. Just a smile. Apparently, the boy was smiling non-stop. My father was thinking of getting some food for him but when he returned, that boy was gone.

So thats 060606.

On 080606.

I watched X-men.

Alone.

I know, I know, you must think I'm some kind of loser... I mean, who watches a movie by themselves right, unless its someone poor and lonely. But I'm no loser. Just late. There are people who invited me to watch it with them but I said I was going with my father. Yet that man let me down. He watched it in Bangkok! So I asked Danish who agreed. But I got played out so well... its just me. It was surprisingly liberating! Some time alone, with no one to disturb or provoke me. I went to watch it at the nearest cinema, hardly anyone goes there so the tickets was two dollars cheaper. =DD

Hugh Jackman is sooooo cool, not too crazy about the hair though. But it really added to that "beastly" effect. Cyclops... hmm. -_-; DIED WAY TOO EARLY! He looks so delicious in the second installment... Jean Grey (looks better with short hair though) is whoa, so sexy and so is Storm! Halle Berry = the prettiest. *_* I like shadowcat cause she's short. LOL!

When I got back home at about 1pm. Rashidah called me and asked if I could go out. I feel so wanted cause its usually me who craves going out! We went out together with Gloria too. I wanted to dress up but I thought, "nah. they won't be dressing up either." and boy, was I mistaken. They were all glam and there I was, with SUPER UNTIDY/MESSY HAIR... wearing a ADIDAS Tee and stupid jeans. I need new jeans.

Gloria and Rashidah went to Topshop and tried out some clothes while I helped them with buttons and everything. Haha. Sounds like a scene outtta cinderella? o_O Gloria looks great in a corset that she bought. Rashidah wanted to buy a similar T-shirt that I have but couldn't and never will be able to wear. Its seriously small!!! Even if I lost all the weight I could ever hope to, I'll never be able to fit into it. Anyway, I decided to sell it to her. =)

We smelled cookies and ice-cream from Gelato and Famous Amos.

I brought them to candy empire where they went crazy and spurged. Haha. I was there, drooling but never ate anything. Yes, I know. I'm deprived.

On 090606

Went out with Wanda. =)

Was thinking of going to People's Park at first but for some odd reason, I had a headache on the way to the MRT and it cleared when I was thinking of Orchard Road... o_O;; My hp batt went dead and I had to keep switching it on and off. GRRRR...

Played hide-and-seek with Benjamin. XD

Both of us (Wanda and I) were wearing hoodies and we wanted to embaress Benjamin by wearing our hoods and go, "yo. yo. yo." but he wasn't seating near the window!!! Darn. Besides we were busy laughing ourselves anyway.

And I kept calling up Benjamin to say i miss him. Lol.

I enjoyed myself. Hehe.
------------------------------------------------------------------

100606 to 110606

I binged.

I went crazy, i think I was depressed or something.

I am quite the health nut, always watching what I eat but during these two days, I ate peanut butter, ice cream, chocolate, more chocolate, refined carbs, cheesecake. My meals are practically made up of what I just mentioned. Its crazy, I tell you. But I stayed away from fried stuff. =X

THERE WAS SO MUCH FOOD!

Thank God I never gained any weight. >_>;;

I don't want to go through it again. -sighs-
--------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, MUMMY CAME BACK! =DD

I'm dancing with joy.

Yay.

New entry on my wishlist

2006-06-07T22:04:00.000-07:00

A naval piercing. =D

Heights

2006-06-06T15:16:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to be a little more accepting about my height. Which happens to be 153cm... hopefully I've grown. 1 cm would be a blessing to me! Lol. So anyway, since I have no life and a little free now...

I'm just surfing about, looking at celebrities' heights.

I mean, everyone says caucasians are all really tall people.

Well, there are some exceptions.

Like Shakira (152cm) or Christina Aguilera(158cm)

I seriously, don't mind being a shorty. I just don't like those broad shoulders of mine. It makes me... stout. Like a teapot!!! -sighs- But... they do add some kind of defination to my body. Makes me an hourglass. =DD

Or else I could be an apple or pear.

Sidenote: Oats are really filling.

Just another day.

2006-06-02T23:41:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY, Rashidah! 5A1’S resident drama queen. X)

And… HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY to Darin, resident of my heart. *_*

Their birthdays made D/T practical tolerable… especially with Mr. Chen’s sarcasm and sneers. God, I know I’m an airhead and can get really clueless when it comes to that subject but I see no reason to make fun of me.

I almost cried, man. O_o

Jia Rong was such a gentleman. Helping me with the scroll saw and so on. He has nice, long fingers a woman would die for. Haha. I think he thinks I’m stupid though. I’m too lazy to post examples right now.

So anyway, Natasha bought Rashidah a cake and man, was she surprised! Too bad we couldn’t leap out with joy and say, “SURPRISE!” You can’t do that in the canteen unless the birthday girl is blindfolded. I didn’t eat the cake although I’ll be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted.

Funny, chocolate and snacks don’t tempt me but a cake certainly does. I must work on that weakness.

After that mini celebration, Rashidah, Natasha, Priscilla and Suzanne went to my place to chill a little. I made Rashidah a special birthday smoothie with ice-cream. Made another for Suzanne too who kept commenting how nice my house is. Which I have to agree. Hehe.

Everyone loves my boots. (Suzanne has great legs.)

Hmm…. I got a feeling I have to redo my clock face. Priscilla spoilt it with her poor spray painting skills. Lol.  Not supposed to say that. This is O Levels we’re talking about here. I need to redo my clock hands too. Like what the smurf… I’m always redoing my artifacts. Not good.

My mum is performing her pilgrimage now…

Guess what that means???

FREEDOM, baby.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Yeah right.

I have to clean the house, watch over my brother like a hawk, cook, and buy groceries and not to mention do my homework, revise as well as exercise. Cooking is no big deal; I can live with plain food. Cleaning is not that big a problem either… cause my Aunt is here to help out. So far, she did the beds and the clothes.

I’m in charge of the kitchen. =)

This reminds me, I have to wash the plates later and its 11:24pm now. Lol. Looks like I’ll be sleeping late. I kinda like not having any parents here… I feel so independent, albeit a little tired.

Aiya…

When, oh when will I receive my abs.

I hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. flab.

Especially those on my belly. T_T

Oh, I realize I like doing strength training. I love working my muscles. =)

Right, before I forgot. On the 31st of May which is a Wednesday… Wanda came over to do a photoshoot. Like everyone else, she adores my house…. Especially my bed. It isn’t that great, people!

And well… Wanda became the model after all.

I so suck at modeling lah. It’s not my thing. I look so fugly. Wanda rocks though… I’m such a kick-ass photographer. She looks lovely. Haha. I love beauty. I love pretty people. I love photography. –breaks out in a song-

The outdoor lighting is superb and the poses were great, okay! For us amateurs. Although we came back, itching like mad. -_- For its okay, its all for the love of photography.

I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THE SHOTS!!!!

Oh.

I’m so happy.

Whee.

2006-05-31T23:29:00.000-07:00

What an eventful day!

But since I'm soooooo tried and exhausted, I'll add more details tomorrow. Yayness. I'm quite happy. o_o

And I think I'm starting to umm.... like someone and... (no, its not Darin)

Benjamin is a grope-r.

2006-05-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

I've been very sinful for the past weeks.

1) I lied.
2) I made my mother cried, twice in a row.
3) I had a R-rated dream/nightmare.
4) I skipped class.
5) I felt sucidal.

Do you believe in good and evil?

Do you think environment or genes have anything to do with your character?

Were we born evil and sinful?

Or is all this simply, free will?

...Choices we make and decide?

Woots.

2006-05-26T17:48:00.000-07:00

TAYLOR HICKS WON AMERICAN IDOL!

Yay.

Man, I think I have an uncanny knack for spotting soon-to-be-superstars. After all, I was rooting for him since Day 1. XDD

And...

Clay Aiken looks great with his new hairstyle. Very hot. This is one geek who looks really good.

*drools*

Okay, I'm going jogging now.

X(

2006-05-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

What's with my title? Its a mix of "XD" and ":("

XD- why?

I got my uber-sexy boots. =DD

Sexy.

Sexy.

Boots.

Only one problem: a girl with short and chunky legs is gonna wear them. -_-

:(- why?

My friend is unable to meet Darin on his birthday cause he moved. T_T I'm sooooooooooooooooo unhappy and upset over this. Darin is just as sexy as my uber-sexy boot if not more.

Heh.

2006-05-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

I'm inspired to excercise.

And yes, to study as well.

Mainly because I've finally smelled the sweetness of city air.

I've been feeling so caged and unhappy all week! Hence the tension between my mother, ugly scowls in the morning and fake smiles to my classmates.

Argh. Thanks Orchard Road! o_o

And Wanda!! Such great company. XDD

My God, I finally found boots that aren't slutty or odd-looking. And they're $45 (after 50% discount)!! I can't believe I didn't bring my money. I HAVE TO FRICKIN' GET IT!! I MUST! I'm just so in love with boots. *_*
----------------------------------------------------------

Oh yeah.

I had a dream about Darin. It was weird... cause we weren't in love or anything... just very good friends. He had to migrate so he gave me his jacket. The jacket felt so REAL! But I just have to wake up... TT

Lol.

This was my third dream about him. I dreamt about him tutoring Math in the first and in the second, he was scolding me. I remember waking up, feeling sad all day. o_o;;

Cheers, people.

And I was right, I passed only one exam.

2006-05-18T19:01:00.000-07:00

I can feel it in my bones.
I can feel it emerging.
The Beast.
The Beast that will soon engulf me.
And destroy my foes in its wake.

It was expected.
My results was expected.
I failed. o_o

So far, I passed only English. Which is good... in a way, considering that I failed that subject in term 1. Oh my god, I am so screwed. I was so relaxed for my mid-years. I couldn't be bothered... I don't know why.

Even my mother said that I'm not even doing last minute revision.

I don't even want to excercise anymore. I just want to eat. Eat! EAT!

WANDA!

I know how you feel.

I just want to take photographs, I just want to sleep, I just want to go shopping. I just want to hang out. Do something wild, let down my hair or something (not that I have much hair).

But...

I'm such a hypocrite.

A wise saying of Prophet Muhammand (s.a.w)- A hypocrite has three distinguishing signs: when he talks he lies, when he promises he breaks it and when he is entrusted with something, he betrays such trust.

I fall under the second category.

I'm a liar!

I promised so many I would do my best. I'm not. Heck, I'm not even trying!

Another wise saying by the Prophet: The ink of the scholar is more holy than the blood of the martyr.

Okay, I need everyone's help. Someone must put pressure on me. Pressurise me! TT

Spelling.

2006-05-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

My spelling sucks.

At least when I was in primary school. I was doing some cleaning and came across two spelling books, one when I was in primary 5 (11) and primary 6 (12). Let me give you some examples... correct words are in bold. *stares at list* Damn, I can't spell. o_o

Primary 5

especially - especilly
tremendous- tremandous
disease- deseaise
lives- lifes
jealous- jeaulous
description- descipesians
odour- oder
occasionally- occasurnally
excitedly- exitectly
mischievous- miscivous
settling- setterling

Primary 6

humourous- humarous
fascinating- fascenating
eyebrows- eyebrowns (wth??)
chloroplyll- chrollfill (I still have trouble spelling this. Fortunately, I don't take bio. XD)
predator- predeater
dehydrate- dhydrate

Well... this are just some of them... Its amazing how much I've improved. Although yes, I still make stupid mistakes. -_-;

Mother's Day

2006-05-16T10:49:00.000-07:00

Woot! Exams are over although I'm pretty sure I've flunked every one of them. Oh what the heck, its over and done but I'm making sure I won't say this statement when it comes to O Levels.

Anyway, I had a fantastic Mother's Day.

Allow me to share with you that fabulous day or should I say, night.

We had dinner at Swensen's (Parkway). The waiter who was taking our order was cute. Malay. Cute but not handsome. So anyway, I told my mother he was cute but she said, no. The other waiter is cuter. I turned and saw this tall, bespectacled guy. I wasn't really paying attention to fine details so I disagreed.

Our dinner was great.

I had a cesear salad, worth drooling over. Cream of chicken which i didn't finish. So anyway, I was checking out the families on both sides of my table. On my left, was a eurasian family. The girl had nice, sharp features... but she had a sulky, long face. Made her look bad.

The family on my right... it's a Muslim family and one of the daughters was amazingly beautiful! Soft, chiselled features paired with fair skin and complimented by dark eyes. She was wearing a scarf so imagine how beautiful she would be at home. She was, say... no more than 11 years old. Maybe 10. Already beautiful.

I was looking at the Eurasian girl (She has nice brown hair) when the waiter, the bespectabled one walked past and smiled at me. Oh my god. His smile was really, really sweet! Its a smile to die for! *_*

I was pretty shocked and didn't smile back. Gaaah. I hate myself for that. What a waste. I can be pretty charming when I want. XDD

So anyway, I wanted my ice cream so I called one of the waiter and it has to be that bespectacled one. Because he was so tall and I was so short, plus I was sitting so he bent over soooooooo frickin close. Thank God, I kept my cool and didn't stutter.
-_-;

Ice cream was... heaven! Merri-mint. Thin mint with cream and a cherry on top... and nice chocolate sauce all over it. *sighs blissfully* I shared it with my parents so it was over in a matter of minutes. Haha.

Then that guy came AGAIN!!!

He asked if he could take the goblet away. I said "................ok.........." and held it up to him. He hesistated so I thought he was gonna take a tray or something so I put it back down. But he reached for it and I brought it back up again. -_-"

Gah.

Pathetic.

Anyway, all in all. I enjoyed myself tremendously. Haha. =DD

I wanna see the guy again. o_o

Kari Decides To Die

2006-05-13T12:37:00.000-07:00

Kari had no idea who was in charge of her life anymore.

Strange girl. Odd. Anorexic. That’s what they called her. Kari wasn’t a very pretty girl. She was pale, with equally pale lips and her long brown hair ran past her shoulders in untidy waves. The only nice feature was her dark eyes, expressive and framed with long, thick eyelashes. She often wondered if she would die beautiful… a girl adorned in a white dress, lying in a pool of blood.

Such thoughts are no stranger to her. It all began when her mother got interested in a new man two years back. She certainly got over her late husband really quickly. Kari wasn’t excited at the prospect of having to call a stranger, “Father.” And when he was officially part of the family, Kari addressed him as “Mr. Chua.” or “Sir” if she was in a pleasant mood. Kari knew her mother had given up on her daughter. Her stepfather never seemed to be bothered about her either. There existed a mutual understanding between them that none wanted to have anything to do with the other.

She saw a couple of family having some quality time with one another. Sighing wistfully, she knew those children took their parents for granted. If only they could see her life, an uncaring mother, an unfamiliar stepfather and a dead father who left way too early.

Usually, teenagers in such a position would have a wide circle of friends but not Kari who wasn’t the very sociable sort. Her only friends were James and Alice. Alice migrated to Australia a month ago so James was left. But James wasn’t even in the same school as she was. In public, he was her protector and guardian but in school, she was all alone. Alone and vulnerable against the wave of merciless taunts she faced.

But, that one joy was snatched from her.

James has a girlfriend and was enjoying his social life. Yes, he still called her whenever he had some time which was rare. Kari knew she was being selfish. She had no right to cling on to James. In fact, she had the feeling he wanted to escape from her. Who wouldn’t? She was dreary, negative and silent.

Kari stood up and faced the railing. She looked at her watch. Five minutes to twelve.

Her mother and stepfather are working. Her classmates and teachers probably don’t realize she was missing. James was somewhere with his girl. No one knew where she was… which was good. That means no distractions.

It was near noon but Kari was protected from the glares of the afternoon sun through a whole lot of sunscreen. Kari stared at her pale arms. Everyone thought she applied sunscreen to keep herself pale but it had a dual purpose. It was like her second skin… it not only shielded her from the sun but also from the cruel reality of life.

Four minutes…

Alice… Why did you have to leave? I miss your jokes, the way you handled difficult situations, the way you motivated me to stand up for myself. To be confident and to love myself, to love Kari. I know it seemed like your method wasn’t working but it is… at least, until you left… Alice, you are the epitome of beauty, in every sense of the word. But it’s over… over for me.

Three minutes…

Dad… you left me far too early. You probably think I don’t know this but I do. I know you and Mum weren’t in the happiest of marriages and I respect that you’ve tried to hide all that bitterness under smiles and lots of love. But I wish you would tell me, even though I was just 13. Mum is happy though, a new man popped out of nowhere a month after your death. That man might be my stepfather but he won’t ever be you.

Two minutes…

James…. You’ve been such a good friend to me. Like Alice, you tell the greatest jokes and made me believe in myself but unlike her, you are my guardian and protector. You shielded me from those people! No words could express my eternal gratitude. You have another girl to protect now. But… I don’t know my heart… Do I see you as a friend or something more?

One minute…

Kari, I’ve let you down. I’m sorry for not loving you the way you are. I kept comparing you with others. Their curvaceous bodies, their intelligent minds, their sharp wit. Their families, the amount of wealth they hold… to put it simply: everything. I love you but I’m selfish and ungrateful… I want more. Therefore I shall end this madness.

Kari blinked and rubbed the tears from her eyes. There was no meaning in her life, nothing worth living for. She swung a leg over the railing and pulled herself up. She stared out at the open and smiled. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing and the birds were singing.

It was a beautiful day to die.

“Good bye.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------

This is just a meaningless short story. It needs more polishing. My words aren't eloquent enough. I was in a writing mood, one I haven't felt in years. Who knows... maybe my passion for writing burns brightly once again. =DD Comment and critcise all you want.

Hmm, however Wanda and I are gonna do a photo based on this story... Look out for that. =DD

Peace out, people.

Parents

2006-05-12T18:44:00.000-07:00

I hate my parents.

Who are they to decide what my passions are.

When I say, I want to learn horse riding. It means I want to. And I will. Just to prove it to you, I'm willing to spend $600, forked out of my own pocket, to learn this "useless" sport. That means no new clothes, no make up, no camera for me. What more prove do you need? How about the toy horses I displayed in my room? The various horse pictures in my computer. It over rides that of Darin. o_o

Seriously.

I just want to be close to horses. Simply "riding" them for one round with a handler isn't enough. Horse riding is no ordinary sport. When you ride, you must be in one with the animal. You're working with another mind, its not easy.

I know its not cheap and I know we're not rich.

That's why I'm not pestering you to give me the money. I'll sarcifice my other wordly possessions so I can learn. I just want you to understand instead of acting all practical and calling it a waste of time and money.

God dammit, I'm your DAUGHTER!
------------------------------

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Priscilla!!! XDDD

2006-05-11T22:15:00.000-07:00

Ohmygod.

Today was an unexceptionally warm day!

Ohmygod.

I had heat rash and my eczema acted up. Aaaaaargh.

Anyway, went Bugis to get Priscilla's birthday present with Benjamin. I had no money so I was a little stingy. Got Benjamin to buy the more expensive one.... but its like only 3 dollars more expensive.

We got her a nice plushie and a cup. All featuring Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. The cashier gave us a huge plastic bag and so, an idea sprang into my head. I got home and stuffed lots of newspapers, crunched waste papers so it looks like the present is really big. =DD

I threw in a small birthday note amongst the mess.

Evil me. XD

Whee.

I love birthdays... when I have a present to give.

2006-05-11T11:54:00.000-07:00

I'm bored.

Exams was a killer! Math paper 1 had to be the hardest paper I've ever attempted. Even the questions on my 'O' Levels TYS were far easier. And the fact that I've forgotten to bring my calculator for my paper 2 ain't helping... TT I'm so prepared to fail my mid years. Chemistry... TT. PoA... TT. <---- This paper sucks. I didn't know the smurfin' format for 3/4 of the paper.

FAILURE!

I'M A FAILURE!!!!!

Aaaaaaargh. Someone stress me up. >_<;;;

And I know all of you must be tired of hearing me say this.... I WISH I DIDN'T CUT MY HAIR!!!!! IT WOULD/COULD HAVE BEEN PAST MY CHEST BY NOW!!!! *breathes* Okay, I'll stop wining. =D

Humph.

Things to do:

- Post the cheque to SHAPE run.
- Send Sarah's package. (I'm soooooooo sorry. TT)
- Buy Priscilla's present.
- Study. (intensive revision will begin two days after mid-years)
- Excercise. (still want my abs)
- Save money. (Horse riding lessions are $400. yes, i know. im not rich.)
- Kick some ass.
-------------------------------------

2006-05-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

This is from an email i receieved from my mother.

Audrey Hepburn BEAUTY TIPS.

For attractive lips: Speak words of kindness

For lovely eyes: Seek out the good in others

For a slim figure: Share your food with the hungry

For beautiful hair: Let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day

For poise: Walk with the knowledge that you'll never walk alone

People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed and redemmed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find them at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not from the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman grows with passing years.
--------------------------------------------------------------

I'm so inspired by this. o_o Not because i want to be more beautiful ( I mean, I do! But I want my soul to be beautiful as well)

2006-04-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

Woot!

I'm so happy. I learned how to make a membrane panal switch! XDD

Lol.

Argh. Poly life sounds awesome! I can't wait to go but what if I can't go? Imagine the embaressment I will face! Anyway, I have it all plan out! I will either take mass communications, biotechnical OR visual communication... however, for some odd reason... I'm tempted to take political science... considering my wish is to work for the UN someday and speak up for Islam. =D

And...

Is it actually possible?

Possible that I...

Found a new love?

A love...

Has someone taken over Darin's place?

-shocked-

THE HORRORS!

Jesse Mccartney!?

Lol.

No way.

Darin is still mah homeboy. =DD

-oogles-

I'm content. *sighs*

I want Darin's Step Up tour's hoodie!!!!!!! >_<

2006-04-15T00:19:00.000-07:00

Woot!

How is everybody??

I'm feeling delirious today... for some odd reason... I've been thinking of what to name my children. Lols!

Girls

Misha- Beautiful, pretty <---- me love! *_*
Kyda- preserved, strong
Zoha- Hope, Shining light.

Boys

Jibril- archangel of God
Firas- sagacious, pragmatic <---- me love! *_*
Aaryan- of utmost strength

Whee. Hopefully, I'll remember those names. Firas is such a powerful name... when I first heard it, a mental image of golden stallion galloping powerfully across the plains popped into my head. Think Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. Lols. And the name Misha is just so graceful...=D

More quizzes

2006-04-08T23:50:00.000-07:00

All is resolved. =DD
---------------------------

Your Birthdate: November 23

You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem.
You're good at so much - you never know what to do.
Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long.
You are destined for a life of travel and fun.

Your strength: Your likeability

Your weakness: You never feel satisfied

Your power color: Bright yellow

Your power symbol: Asterisk

Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Eagle

Animal You Were in a Past Life: Whale

You are active, a challenger, and optimistic.
Hard-working, you are always working towards a set goal.

The Animal Personality Test

You Are 44% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

Who Should Paint You: M.C. Escher

Open and raw, you would let your true self show for your portrait.
And even if your painting turned out a bit dark, it would be honest.

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as strong willed and stubborn.

Overall, your true self is reserved and logical.

With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

You Are 56% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at high risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is very likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You have a passion for everything - including sleeping.
Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well.
You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to hog the covers.
You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Your Luck Quotient: 62%

You have a high luck quotient.
More often than not, you've felt very lucky in your life.
You may be randomly lucky, but it's probably more than that.
Optimistic and open minded, you take advantage of all the luck that comes your way.

How Lucky Are You?

You Are a Fierce Femme

You have a wild side, and you aren't afraid to bring it out when the time is right.
But you also know when to hang back and keep your "crazy chick" persona in check.
In fact, some of your friends may be surprised to find out how far you can take it...
You may look mild mannered, but it's all an act!

How Daring Are You?

You're Confident...Sometimes

You can seem confident when the occasion calls for it
But inside you may be experiencing a bit of self doubt
A little more inner confidence could take you far...
And convince others that you're as confident as you try to seem

Are You Confident?

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.
Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.
Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.
No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.

You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.
Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.
A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.
You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.

Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous
People will stop and watch you when you appear
Even though you're capable of random violence

You are best known for: your power

Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.
Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.
You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.
You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Guilt

2006-04-08T21:02:00.000-07:00

Somebody kill me.

I don't think I deserved to live.

What kind of person am I anyway?

Satisfaction.

2006-04-07T23:57:00.000-07:00

Satisfaction comes in various forms, be it sexual or non-sexual.

I'm disgusted with myself. My satisfection isn't sexual yet its disgusting as I derive it from the anger of others. I feel elated, basked in euphoria whenever I accomplished making someone mad even though its over a silly thing. Its like I can control their feelings, I have the ability to make them mad.

Funny, because I thought I've gotten over it.

I never wanted to hurt anybody but I just felt like it. I thought it was bound to happen anyway. I won't feel satisfied, otherwise.

Rules for Being Happy. =D

2006-04-01T21:44:00.000-08:00

RULES FOR BEING HAPPY

God didn't promise days without pain,

laughter without sorrow,

sun without rain,

but he did promise strength for the day,

comfort for the tears,

and light for the way.

Disappointments are like road bumps,

they slow you down a bit

but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards.

Don't stay on the bump too long.

Move on!

When you feel down because you didn't get what you want,

just sit tight and be happy,

because God is thinking of

something better to give you.

When something happens to you, good or bad,

consider what it means.

There's a purpose to life's events

to teach you how to laugh more

or not to cry as hard.

You can't make someone love you,

all you can do is be someone who can be loved --

the rest is up to the other person

to realize your worth.

The measure of love is when you love without measures.

In life there are very rare chances that you'll meet

the person you love who loves you in return.

So once you have it don't ever let go --

the chance might never come your way again.

It's better to lose your pride to the one you love,

than to lose the one you love because of pride.

We spend so much time looking for the right person to love

or finding fault with those we already love,

when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.

When you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults,

you don't look for answers, you don't look for mistakes.

Instead, you fight the mistakes,

you accept the faults and you overlook excuses.

Never abandon an old friend.

You will never find one who can take his or her place.

Friendship is like wine. It gets better as it grows older.

Remember the five simple rules to being happy:

Free your heart of hatred.

Free your mind from worries.

Live simply.

Give more.

Expect less.

No one can go back and make a brand new start.

Anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.

2006-04-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

I just watched a bollywood film titled Veer Zaara. Its a really beautiful love story. A legend. Whereby an indian man, Veer, fell in love with a pakistani girl, Zaara. Unforunately, Zaara was bethrothed. Her family told Veer to return to India as her father is a powerful politician and his reputation might suffer if the she married an indian. Her fiance was an egoistical man and was embaressed by Zaara's impudence. So he framed Veer by accusing him of being an indian spy. Veer can easily get out of this but the Zaara's fiance told him he would make Zaara's life a living hell if he did not confess to his "crimes" and thus Veer ended up in jail. Of course, the love story doesn't end here...

This is one of the songs in the movie- Tere Liye -Its been transalated.

For your sake, I live with my lips sealed.
For your sake, I live, swallowing all my tears.
But in my heart, the lamp of love continues to burn
for your sake, for your sake!
For your sake, I live, swallowing all my tears.
For your sake, I live with my lips sealed.
But in my heart, the lamp of love continues to burn
for your sake, for your sake!
Life has brought with it the chronicle of days past...
incomparable memories surround us now.
Without asking, I received so many answers!
Look at what I desired, and what, in turn, I received.
But in my heart, the lamp of love continues to burn
for your sake, for your sake!
What can I say? The world has shown such ill-will to me.
I'm commanded to live life, but without you.
How ignorant they are, who say you are a stranger to me.
How many wrongs we have been done, my love!
But in my heart, the lamp of love continues to burn
for your sake, for your sake!
For your sake, I live with my lips sealed.
For your sake, I live, swallowing all my tears.
But in my heart, the lamp of love continues to burn
for your sake, for your sake...

-----------------------------

It sorta represented his feelings when he went in jail.

So anyway, this is what I call true love. Love can be represented in many ways and it transcends all boundaries but as long as they love each other endlessly (people often mistake lust for this. -_-), its true. =D

By the way, Happy April's Fools! XD

Quizzes

2006-03-31T16:31:00.000-08:00

Your Eyes Should Be Green

Your eyes reflect: Striking attractiveness and danger

What's hidden behind your eyes: A vivid inner world

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Your Passion is Red!

You've got that spark - a good dose of intensity, power, and determination.
You do whatever you want in life ... to hell with what anyone thinks!
With so many interests and loves, you're always running around doing something new.
You have fire in your eyes, and it shows. Bet you're even wearing something red!

What Color is Your Passion?

Men See You As: An Attainable Challenge

You know how to make your man crave more of you
But you also know when to show some interest back
You're good at keeping your guy guessing
And over time, you'll let him know how you really feel

Are You a Challenge?

School

2006-03-24T23:41:00.000-08:00

When I just my hands on that pig of an asshole, I will KILL him!

Now.

I know you must be thinking, who the hell am I so infuriated with?

This morning, when we came back from PE. Three skirts were missing from our class, meaning, someone stole it. One of them skirts belong to me. And they DON'T know who they're messing with. You take Nadiah Lim's skirt, BIG MISTAKE! >_<

I rushed the General Office and reported the lost.

When I returned to class, someone told me the thieves dumped our skirts behind the school block. Two were retrieved, only Rashidah didn't get hers back. Thankfully, her wallet wasn't in it. But you know whats the strange thing, NOTHING was stolen. I have $6 in my pocket and no one took it.

I mean, if I were a thief, I would have have taken whatever I could find.

Whew. Thank God I brought my ipod along with me. I'll be slaughtered by my father if it were gone. Besides, my ipod is sort of my best friend. Whenever I run or need the motivation, my ipod is there... Darin is in my ipod too. TT

So anyway, I doubt we'll catch the guy. Personally, I think its a pervert. He couldn't find panties so he found skirts. Others say its probably a sick prank. Whatever the reason is, if I get my hands on him...

*bangs keyboard*

9-5run=[ FDBVSDGDGWR3040- 3 FRF
RF LGKREOG

Darin's videos

2006-03-24T15:57:00.000-08:00

I'm sure all of you will be able to guess what I'm about to say by looking at the title. Its a give away and you're right, I'm gonna talk about his videos and declare my endless love and adoration for this lovely creation by God.

I saw some of his videos from Sweden Idol.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it x infinite.

I watched Bad, När Vi Två Blir En, I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing, Its Gonna Be Me and Unbreak My Heart.

What can I say, he looks hot! *_* Hmm, I'm ever critical about his dancemoves though... but then again, who am I to judge? I can't dance. =X He sings ballads well although I can't deny I prefer those with the fast beats.

Wanna know something?

Darin, is, as far as I can remember, the FIRST and ONLY pop star I'm crazy about. I've never been so obsessed with any other, not Taufik, not Backstreet Boys, not Jesse MacCartney and so on...

I adore his voice.

Versatile. Unique. Somewhat calm and pleasant.

I adore his looks.

Its like what I -wish- I could find in a lover/husband. Fair-skinned, dark-haired, gorgeous with beautiful eyes (to pair with mine. =D). Eyes so beautiful you can drown yourself in them. And oh my god, his smile!! *_*

*sighs*

I'm never getting married. T_T

I'll love him for eveeeeeeeer~

2006-03-22T23:37:00.000-08:00

I know I hadn't blogged in quite a while... so here's a little song I enjoy.

Where are you by Natalie feat Justin Roman

"Where Are You"
(feat. Justin Roman)

[Justin]
(I know you are out there baby...somewhere)
There is someone out there for me (I know there is somebody out there)
I know she is waiting so patiently (yeah) can you tell me her name? (Somebody tell me her name)
This life-long search is gonna drive me insane
How does she laugh? How does she cry? What's the color of her eyes?
Does she even realize I'm here?
Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?
Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?
dadadadadada dadadada dadadadadada (where are you?)

[Natalie]
I'm staring out at the sky (I see you baby)
Praying that he will walk in my life
Where is the man of my dreams (right here) yea-yeah
I'll wait forever, how silly it seems
How does he laugh? How does he cry? What's the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?
Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?
Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?
dadadadadada dadadada dadadadadada (where are you?)

[Justin]
There is someone out there for me (there is someone out there for me)
I know she is waiting so patiently (so patient)
Can you tell me her name (can you tell me his name)
This life-long search is gonna drive me insane (that's right)

[Natalie]
How does he laugh? How does he cry? What is the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?

[Justin]
Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?

[Natalie]
Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?

[Together]
dadadadadada dadadada (yeah) dadadadadada (I know you out there)
dadadadadada dadadada (yeah) dadadadadada

[Justin Talking]
Where are you?? I'm going to look all over the world baby
'Cuz I know you are out there
I know this might sound crazy, but I think I love you
dadadadadada (that's right) dadadada dadadadadada
dadadadadada dadadada (yeah) dadadadadada

Where are you??

--------------------------------------------

So yeah, it made me wonder about where my future "The One" is right now... whats he doing... and everything. Meanwhile, I have a crush on a cute guy in tuition class. Lol. Its just a minor crush. Oh, he's 15. =X

2006-03-13T22:29:00.000-08:00

I'm dying to go to the zoo!!!

I can't wait to point out Benjamin's best friend, the Golden Tamerin. A primate as cute and as yellow as he is!! XD

Sidenote: What the HELL happened to Darin's beautiful hair?????? He dyed his fringe mud brown!!!!! o_o Someone fire his stylist!!!!!!

Okay, ignore that little outburst back there. As I was telling Benjamin a few days back, I'm as majestic as the big cats and yeah, I know my hair is like a lion's mane. -_-

Back to Darin: He still sucks at dancing. Period.

Back to me: ...........

Back to Darin: He can dance. ^________^

Back to me: Go away Danish. I'll end here since Danish is being a busybody. Ciao for now. =D

March "holidays"

2006-03-12T23:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, its getting really stupid.

For days, I've been trying to figure out whats so special about the 10th of March. Turned out it was the last day of Darin's Step Up tour. I know, I know. I can almost hear everyone saying, "Move on already! Stop obsessing over Darin."

Lol.

Anyway, 10 March is also special because it was the day Chocolate gave birth to four, utterly adorable babies!! AAAAAAH, I'm a GRANDMA!! (Btw, Darin keeps a cat.) I was wondering why Chocolate was so skinny. o_o

And when I checked the little house, there they were! Red, sqirmy thingys. Hehe. Its Day 3 now, I dare not disturb them so much or Chocolate might decide they make tasty desserts. =X
-------------------------

Oh yes, the March Holidays have began!!

And guess what, I've actually started doing my homework. o_o So I can beg my dear mother to allow me to go to the zoo but I'm quite certain she'll allow me to. Hmm, what else...?

I'm starting an excercise regime. A serious one.

Why?

Lets just say I thrive on compeition.

Anyway, I miss everyone especially Sarah. We barely talked the other day. T_T

Oh, how does Nadiah Zanyar sound? XD

And I'll never stop obsessing over Darin. =D