Wednesday, July 19, 2006

8:40 PM

Gah.

I've been feeling low.

I usually don't like blogging about my personal life but its just so hard now. I don't expect pity just a little encouragment to keep going. :)

Monday was great. I ran for an hour (w/o stopping) and I felt great after that. It was as if I was washing all my problems away. I sprinted downhill, danced with the wind. I was finally doing something about my weight.

I was happy.

Tuesday was fucking emo lah. I hate being emo cause I don't want to be one. But I was really really depressed that day for no utter bloody reason! School was basically stupid. It was racial harmony celebration and we had to dress up.

Why.

Why does everyone have to drag me into EVERY FUCKING PHOTO?????

I try to smile. I try not to let such a trivial thing get into me. But everyone looked so happy and joyful. I don't want to ruin it. Wait a second, why should I even bother? No one could tell how I was feeling.

A picture tells a thousand words and do you know what my picture tells me? It shows a fat, ugly, stupid-looking girl. Yes, it does. Really. I'm under so much pressure. Smart, intelligent people surround me. Gorgeous, pretty people surround me. How can I live up to them?

I'm a nobody.

Not only that, there are some problems at home too. And my leg is killing me. I'm currently limping. Lol.

And like I said, I don't want pity and I certainly don't want to pity myself. So, my decision to stay positive and proactive came after crying my heart out. While waiting for Benjamin (he was late again!), I hid behind the wall and had a good cry. All this happened at night. o_O

In fact, I was still sobbing while I was jogging. Don't try this people, you'll have a hard time breathing. Lol. I kept thinking about what Sarah said, If you even feel like giving up, look up to the sky and aim higher. (Did i get that correct?)

(Sidenote: Jasmine, stop singing those songs that require a powerful voice!!!!! Stick to bubblegum pop. -_-)

Haha.

Aim higher.

Oh, I came to school really late to school today. And Mr Gabriel thought I came. He thought I went to TAF. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! YOU DUMB GIT! WILL YOU BOYS THINK I'M SLIM WHEN I'M ANEROXIC THIN??? FUCK MAN!

_Pull the knife from my back' ;